Refreshed by weddings

It's been five years, going to be six.
It's been,
Various 'car problems', financial problems, inter-relationship problems,
communication problems, et cetera
but what is life without problems?

Like I said yesterday, c'est la vie
Though being only human, I will forget that.
And will need to be reminded.

Amidst all the smiles, pain, laughter, hurt, joy, disappointment, success, failure...

Unlike their 30 years, we have only been through five, but I will still try

-to be continued

Gender Bias & The Mukmin (And Mukminah)

Salam alaik,

pic googled

When I was studying in Faculty of Education under the TESL program, sexism, gender bias and subordination of women was frequently made an issue. We were required to read all sorts of literature (journals, novels, poems, short stories, plays, etc) as well as films (the scarlet letter, provoked, etc) under the theme. And most of the time, I was trying to relate it to English and teaching; why are we 'provoked' or 'conditioned' to believe in the horrible prejudice called gender bias? So I spent most of my time trying to convince my friends otherwise; that its' existance is due only to an individual's or a groups of people's resistance to Islam: because what Islam teaches is against gender bias and this is proven through the personality and practice of the Prophet (saw) and those who follow him.

Yet a person who calls himself or herself Muslim does not necessarily follow the Prophet (saw). This is due to many factors, such as temptations, environment, pressure, education, upbringing, etc.

Recently I have started to feel disappointed with people who call themselves da'ie or du'at yet do not realize that they are infected by gender bias, something which is against what the Prophet teaches.

The comment that I heard went something like this:

"Women like to become lecturers because they have so much free time. That free time should by right be devoted to research, knowledge, etc, but they use that time to pick up their children from school and the works."

pic googled

First of all, in today's society, there is so much pressure for women, wives, mothers, daughters, grandmothers, aunts, nieces, etc to break their backs working. Yet at the same time, they are still expected to fulfil 'traditional' roles* like cooking, cleaning, child-rearing, etc.

(Some say that these forcing women or to subjugate them into merely fulfilling these traditional roles without giving her equal opportunity to break their backs working, is gender bias. Islam, on the other hand, holds a moderate view on this. But it will not be discussed here)

I feel that such a Muslim man to comment in such a way means that he is confused, ignorant and ingrateful. Confused over women's roles (to be devoted to work or her family?), ignorant about the real issue of gender bias and subjugation of women (women are forced, pressured to work to help provide for the family) and ingrateful to mothers everywhere for their devotion to their family despite that their backs are breaking, assisting their husbands in providing for the family.

Wake up Mukmins! Wake up from the disillusioning darkness of ignorance and walk towards the light of knowledge....

Mommy's Study Assignment

Salam.

Didn't quite finish the previous study assignment (gasp!) and already adding a new one...

Articles to read about traveling with Musa:


Road trip survival guide

Family travel guide (age 2 to 4) before, road, air, after

Making errands fun, i.e trip to grocery store/ mall

Kisah Seharian Jumaat 19 November 2010

Salam Alaikum My Dear Sisters...

It's 11.54pm and I am sitting laid-back with my legs outstretched in front of me (with lappy on top). I feel like I've had a very loooooong day. Suddenly tonight I feel like describing my day...

Impromptu trip to Pusat Bersalin Barakah

At about 9am at my PIL's (Parent-in-law), I thought of asking my hubby to bring forward my 5th month antenatal check-up to today instead of Wednesday night next week, because we're going to have quite a week next week since I'm going to that Hypnobirthing course for four days starting Monday next week. He agreed and we started packing, cleaning up the house and get Musa ready. I think we left the house at about 10.30am. I was feeling positive at that point (We were trying to reach Klang from Kajang before 1pm).

Traffic was smooth until we reached the Midvalley area. But I got anxious as we neared Klang, because my hubby decided to go through Shah Alam instead of use the Kesas Highway. This was our first time to Pusat Bersalin Barakah and eventhough we miraculously did NOT get lost finding our way there (Alhamdulillah), but we got there at approximately 12noon, exactly an hour before consultation hours ended.

I had my check-up with Dr.Khairiah (yes, the same one who appeared in Pa & Ma magazine, click here to read) and interviewed her a bit about the birthing routine/culture there. (I will write about it insyaAllah in another entry) We left Barakah at about 12.45noon, just in time to get home for my hubby to attend his Jumaat prayers at our neighbourhood mosque (Masjid Hidayah Seksyen 18).


Jumaat 19 November 2010: Noon-Evening

As hubby left for prayers, Musa and I headed to Cikgu Ram's taska...for lunch. I know, another "impromptu" event; I often feel guilty for manipulating her kindness in letting us eat lunch there. But I was hungry and had been hungry even before we reached Barakah and I couldn't wait anymore. I felt so grateful to find my old friend Cikgu Ram home (because her car wasn't there, and normally that means she isn't home) WITH a large bowl of ABC! ARGH! It was just PERFECT! It was hot outside and ABC was the perfect dessert on a hot day...

pic googled

Cikgu Yus was there too and I took the opportunity to ask her if she could help me to engage the help of her husband to get detailed info about certain verses of Surah Maryam from islamic scholars in Egypt, as he is going back next week to Al-Azhar to continue his studies.

(I think the reason I want to write is because I feel I have achieved a lot today? Maybe.)

Before she left for the day, I gave her a copy of the brief "Guide" I made of excerpts from books and articles to pass to her hubby so that he'd a clue of what I want him to help me with.

I ate a small bowl of fried rice for lunch (to quell my feeling of guilt for just barging in for lunch) and similarly gave Musa a small bowl as well. (I don't think he finished it anyway). I said my prayers there and returned home at around 2.00pm to fix my hubby some lunch but found out that he had already reheated some spagetti I made before the 'Eid holidays and had his lunch.

So I just put away some clean laundry (we did ours at my PIL's because our washing machine is still unfixed, it's been 2 months...) as my hubby printed some documents and got ready to go to UiTM for an errrand. He told me that he wants us to leave the house by 4pm because he wants to avoid the traffic jam...where were we going? We had planned to visit Sakinah & Aiman with their 20-day-old baby Dania Izzah at Setiawangsa.

Aiman & Sakinah on their Wedding Day

Beautiful Daania Izzah Bt Muhammad Aiman

So as he left for UiTM, I put Musa down for his siesta and did some work on my lappy. Work? I edited some stuff for my "book", tried to print some photos (failed), edited and printed our year-end and new-year budget sheet (to discuss with hubby). Hubby returned home at around 3.30pm and took a nap.

As I finished my 'work' on the lappy, I realized it was already 4pm and shuts it down and get ready to leave. But by the time I am all ready, it was nearly asar (around 4.20pm). I asked my groggy hubby if he wants to leave before of after asar, and after throwing a glance at the clock, he said, 'after'.


Visit to Setiawangsa: Wangsa Walk, Sakinah & Murni

So we drove to Setiawangsa at about 5pm, reached there around 6pm and decided to have an early dinner (I was a little hungry anyway). Hubby suggested going to 'Wangsa Walk' and I could not be more delighted (I has been craving for pizza and his usual palate is Malay 'warung' food)

pic googled

We had our early dinner at 'Canadian Pizza 2 for 1' near Wangsa Walk, strolled in Wangsa Walk for a gift for Aiman & Sakinah's new baby and headed for their house soon after. But then we realized that we were too early and stopped at Surau Al-Ittifaq nearby their house to say Isya' prayers but had to wait till the 'ceramah' was over.

So by the time we arrived at their house it was nearly 8.45pm or so but we were soon joined by a very pregnant Murni, her hubby Ustaz Ali and their toddler son Mukhlis.

For some reason, I felt very happy after our little visit: very contented, very ...couldn't find the right word. Satisfied? Fulfilled? Just plain happy? I felt different. I felt I had friends. Geez, my mom used to tell me that as a kid my no. 1 complaint was "I don't have any friends." Right now I don't know why I feel that way. No, not the feeling that I don't have friends, but feeling extra-ordinarily happy for meeting up with Murni & Sakinah.

Anyway...Musa had a GREAT time with Sakinah's youngest and very toddler-friendly brother Luqman as well as Mukhlis. Mukhlis and Musa practically wrestled with the 12 year old Luqman until Luqman was out of breath! Musa was so happy and I was so happy and hubby was happy too and I hope everybody else had a great time as well...

Baby Daania Izzah just melted our hearts with her cuteness and argh! Don't just new babies really smell and look great eventhough they're wrinkly and tiny? They're so great because they're wrinkly and tiny and so innocent and great and innocent and great and innocent....

Hehe. I'm pooped but happy, goodnite sisters! Assalamua'laikum!

p/s Kak Ida if you're reading this, I miss your company/presence and wish we could spend some time together like in a mabit or something kan best...;-)

Mencari 'Lunch Date' & Gentle Birth Talk @ Midvalley 28 Nov 2010

pic googled: ice cream & lunch, anyone?

1. Mencari Teman Makan (Kenalan SAHAJA!)

Saya rasa saya tak boleh makan ice cream sorang-sorang. Tak seronok. Tapi yang lebih pasti dari itu, kalau makan sorang-sorang, saya tak boleh makan. Makan terpaksa dan sorang-sorang ni tak sangat tak best bagi saya.

Saya mencari kawan-kawan muslimah kenalan saya siapa-siapa yang free untuk lunch date pada tarikh-tarikh berikut (lokasi: Centrepoint, Bandar Utama) November 22 (Isnin), Nov 23 (Selasa), dan Nov 25 (Khamis). InsyaAllah Nov 24 (Rabu) saya ada lunch date dgn AFL, bagi siapa yg mengenali beliau.


2. IKLAN: Gentle Birth Talk di Midvalley pada 28 Nov 2010

(Ini lah peluang kita belajar pasal cuba melahirkan tanpa medical dan drug intervention. You're not alone, jom kita belajar sama-sama! Siapa nak pergi, inform lah, insyaAllah saya juga hadir)

The Gentle Birthing Group has been honoured with the opportunity to present a talk at the Baby, Children's and Parents Expo at Midvalley Megamall on Sunday 28 November, from 11am! We will be talking about how a gentle birth is possible and what the Gentle Birthing Group's role is in supporting mothers and fathers in their childbirth and parenting journey.

What: Gentle Birthing Group talk on "Having a Gentle Birth: Is it Possible?"

When: Sunday 28 November 2010, from 11am

Where: Midvalley Megamall, top floor exhibition hall, in the seminar room

Cost: Free!!!

Just for Laughs: CakeWrecks.com

Mungkin ada sesetengah yang takkan faham kenapa cake2 ni kelakar, tapi cuba lah tengok....klik di sini

Panduan Posisi: Praktis Sepanjang Hamil & Waktu Melahirkan

Disclaimer: Sila Dapatkan Nasihat Doktor anda jika ada apa-apa keraguan. Saya tidak akan bertanggungjawab. Anda juga bertanggungjawab untuk buat research mengenai apa yang terbaik untuk anda, jangan sekadar tanya doktor yang sememangnya sibuk.

*Posisi-posisi yang baik untuk di amalkan untuk memudahkan bersalin.

(Untuk di praktis sepanjang kehamilan, terutama bulan2 terakhir dan waktu stage 1 iaitu dari mula kontraksi rahim)

*ada yg sudah ada dalam solat. Atau di lakukan setiap kali lepas solat & doa, jadi buat lima kali sehari cukup lah... =)

Antara nya:

• Tailor Sitting atau Duduk Bersila (untuk stretch / regangkan pelvic area dan perineum)
• Cat stretch, atau Dromedary Droop atau All-Fours position. (Untuk melegakan sakit belakang, boleh di tambah dengan sedikit 'rocking side to side' atau menggerakan punggung ke kiri dan kanan perlahan-lahan)
• Knee to Chest position atau Sujud

Contoh bergambar boleh di dapati di link-link berikut: (Sila klik)

1. Tailor Sitting & All Fours di blog Bloggerrama Mama
2. Knee to Chest di fotosearch
3. Cat Stretch (sahaja) di gettallernaturally.net

Pregnancy Diaries: I, powerless

pic googled. Kejayaan adalah pemberian dari Allah yang tidak memerlukan asbab atau kelayakan yang munasabah, kepada sesiapa tidak kira kafir atau muslim. Tapi sebab kejayaan itu di beri tentu berbeza-beza.

 Kerisauan Suami, Keyakinan Isteri?


Suami saya pernah mengungkapkan kerisauannya mengenai kehamilan saya yang kedua; dia takut saya terlalu yakin akan mendapat 'kejayaan' yang mudah kerana telah 'berjaya' kali pertama. Tapi adakah saya yakin? 100% yakin? Terlalu yakin?

Jawapan nya ialah tidak.

Saya tahu batasan saya sebagai manusia biasa. Saya sedar kejayaan adalah hanya dengan izin Allah, malah TANPA memerlukan asbab dari usaha manusia. Contoh?

Allah telah mengurniakan kepada Maryam Ibunda Nabi Isa, makanan dalam mihrab nya tanpa courier agency dan tanpa peti sejuk.

Ali Imran, Ayat [37]
Maka ia (Maryam yang dinazarkan oleh ibunya) diterima oleh Tuhannya dengan penerimaan yang baik, dan dibesarkannya dengan didikan yang baik, serta diserahkannya untuk dipelihara oleh Nabi Zakaria. Tiap-tiap kali Nabi Zakaria masuk untuk menemui Maryam di Mihrab, ia dapati rezeki (buah-buahanan yang luar biasa) di sisinya. Nabi Zakaria bertanya:” Wahai Maryam dari mana engkau dapati (buah-buahan) ini?” Maryam menjawab; “Ialah dari Allah, sesungguhnya Allah memberikan rezeki kepada sesiapa yang dikehendakiNya dengan tidak dikira”.

Allah mampu memberi kita sesuatu kejayaan tanpa usaha kita. Tapi kenapa Allah nak kita berusaha? Kerana berusaha adalah ketaatan kepada Nya. Kerana berusaha adalah ibadah kepada Nya. 

(Sumber keratan: Islam Berbicara Soal Anak, Tulisan Kariman Hamzah, Terbitan Gema Insani Press)

Manusia tetap lemah walaupun selepas berusaha


Saya tahu bahawa manusia lain juga, searif mana pun mereka dalam bidang kepakaran mereka, juga adalah manusia. Ilmu mereka terbatas sebagai ilmu manusia. Sedalam mana kita akan bergantung kepada ilmu manusia, kita akan tetap akur kepada ilmu Allah; dan sentiasa terpaksa akur kepada ketentuan Nya. 

In the end, as in the beginning of my attempt at success, I am powerless to resist His power, decision and knowledge and thus succumb to His mercy (at all times)


Oleh itu, saya tidak lah seyakin mana. Saya tetap risau. Risau akan keguguran janin, kelahiran pra matang, dan komplikasi kelahiran.


Tapi Allah memerintahkan kita merancang untuk kejayaan (berusaha). Dan menunjukkan contoh melalui Rasulullah s.a.w malahan figur-figur Qurani yang lain juga menunjukkan contoh merancang dan berusaha (ketaatan, beribadah, menurut perintah)


Contoh? Rasulullah s.a.w merancang strategi dakwah (covert, overt, dll), strategi peperangan (Khandak, dll), malahan strategi berkomunikasi dengan isteri! (siapa tidak tahu kisah romantis suap-menyuap untuk memberitahu isteri Rasulullah bahawa makanan itu terlebih rasa?) Dan strategi-strategi ini melibatkan berpayahan, persiapan, kreativiti, pembelajaran, latihan, dll.




Dan dalam usaha persiapan saya kali ini, saya telah menemui satu mutiara perjalanan: bahawa kehamilan adalah suatu proses yang humbling (merendahkan diri). Ya, saya tidak terfikir bahawa perasaan lemah dan kebergantungan yang besar pada Allah itu akan kembali "menyerang" diri saya. Kealpaan, keangkuhan, rasa bangga diri telah Allah kais dari tempat yang tidak layak ia diami (hati) dan titis kan dengan secubit rasa introspeksi dan reinvention (perbaikan/pengislahan).


Saya nak good. Bagaimana untuk saya raih good (success)?

Good attracts good. Itu Allah yang ajar! Di mana? Di sini:

Ar Rahman, Ayat [60]
Bukankah tidak ada balasan bagi amal yang baik – melainkan balasan yang baik juga?
I have forgotten that, in fact, I have let myself be infused with myself so much, that I might have even rejected it! No, I blatantly refused to believe in it. Why is it so hard to believe in...? Maybe because I, too, want instant results, instant relief, instant gratification. I, too, am impatient. Emotionally.

Oh indeed pregnancy is a humbling experience...

And attempting success is a humbling experience. Though not in all aspects, but I know it transcends differences. Physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual.





Kesimpulan


Oleh itu saya mesti belajar dan berusaha lagi. 

Success is not due to me, sister. Success is due upon the Creator. He rewards it to whom He wills, irrespective of reason (hardwork), in fact, irrespective of Iman. Many non-believers achieve success, eventhough they don't believe in Him per se.

Tamar @ Kurma sebagai alternatif kepada Pitocin atau Artificial Oxytocin

Masalah:

Dah 'overdue' atau lebih hari dari 'tarikh jangkaan lahir' (atau EDD) yang doctor kasi. (Manusia hanya boleh bersangka atas ilmu yg sangat terbatas beb)

Penyelesaian: 
(Antara nya) Makan buah tamar/kurma banyak2.

pic googled

Sebab:
Sumber: Islam Berbicara Soal Anak, Terbitan Gema Insani Press, Tulisan Kariman Hamzah
 

Tambah Ilmu:

Dari mukasurat 84, The Birth Book tulisan Dr. Sears & Isteri:

Di bawah bab 'Pitocin':
  

There is a time and place for everything. During natural labor your body produces oxytocin on an as-needed basis - the right dose at the right time.

Oxytocin is normally produced in spurts, and both the amount of oxytocin secreted and the sensitivity of the uterus to its effects increase during labor.

Artificial oxytocin - also known as a pit drip - is administered intravenously through an automatic infusion pump at a steady rate. Because the way the uterus receives its hormonal boost is unnatural, the contractions pit [pitocin] produces are different from the ones the body would produce on its own.

(Nota:
Oxytocin ialah Beg Bonia/Guess/Prada Asli - hormon yang di rembeskan secara asli untuk membantu kita melahirkan anak.

Pitocin pula ialah Beg Bonia/Guess/Prada Chow Kit - hormon tiruan yang di masukkan ke dalam badan kita untuk merangsang pengecutan rahim atau untuk menguatkan pengecutan rahim untuk melahirkan)



Soalan cepu cemas: Allah tahu ke kita tahu? Allah paling pandai ke kita pandai sebab pergi medical school? oh, minta maaf, saya hanya surirumah, bukan student medic. jangan panggil saya doktor.

Currently Reading: The Birth Book by William & Martha Sears

I bought my copy (with some help from friends working at Petronas Twin Towers) from Kinokuniya and am now very eagerly 'digesting' it.

Actually I can't wait to share the stuff I am learning from it, eventhough I have just started reading probably a mere 5% of the book.

Here are some quotations from the book, under 'Ten tips for a safe and satisfying birth"

1. "The process of exploring birth choices can be therapeutic. It compels you to examine yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, and your fears..." (page 10)

2. "Giving birth is the most powerful act you will ever perform, and it should leave you feeling good about yourself" (page 11, under 'Take responsibility for your birth choices')

I definitely have more to share from the book and will be doing so from time to time, insyaAllah.

Mommy's Study Notes: Discipline Part 1

Case 1: Never stopped opening the fridge since the first time he learnt to do so....This was A YEAR ago!

Case 2: Loves climbing, loves computers. This was when he was 12 months old!!

Allah made rules and systems because in compliance to it, there will be much benefit for us. Only Allah's rules and systems are perfect and flawless, but that doesn't mean that just because human-made rules and systems are subject to flaws, we need to defy them. I do agree some are faulty to the extent of being oppressive, but in we need to keep an open mind before deciding that one is so. When it comes to parenting, discipline is a type of set of rules or system that require consistent application.

Allah has a 'discipline' that His creatures whether flora or fauna adheres to without question; night changes into day, day changes into night. And with this change, His creatures adhere to the discipline He has set for each and everyone of them. It is for their own benefit.

We need, in fact thrive on somekind of discipline, or system, or norm, no matter how lax or strict or in between. Sometimes we go wayward into one direction, and pull ourselves back down the middle.

So I am a parent now, a mother. I have to discipline myself and learn up disciplines I don't already have in order to be a good Muslim; in order to reap the benefits from adhering the a discipline or disciplines.

Discipline to me, can only be positive, unless it is the negative type, which is either extremes: lax or too strict (almost unhuman). To me, this is always debatable, people can always tell you, "Let him be a kid" or "You're spoiling him." according to their own definition of something. In fact, I've had both said to me about how I parent/discipline Musa. So, am I spoiling him or am I too strict? I am neither: I try to be in-between or wasatiyyah. I try.

Let's review my notes (studying articles at babycenter.com):

Birth to 12 months: Parenting Tool: "Attachment Parenting"

I have put my foot down ever since the day he was born: I will touch, hold, hug, cradle, etc my child and no, I am not spoiling him. He's a baby. Is it wrong for him to want his mother? All babies, even animal young, want their mother. They are even capable of dying when separated from their mother, eventhough they are well looked after and well fed. That's how powerful a mother is to an infant (especially). It's just 12 months anyway, until he becomes a toddler, then we can start on the topic of not giving in to a child. The only 'disciplining' I did was to sleep-train him at the age of 6 months. I guess it is a type of disciplining. Besides that, I am with him for the other hours that he isn't asleep. I simply WILL NOT accept the saying, "Don't constantly hold him and respond to his cries" (Especially NOT on the day he was born!!!!! But except during sleep-training sessions)

6 months to 18 months: Parenting Tool: "Remove & Substitute"-somewhat

Ah, the phase of experimenting, discovering, learning, amazement (now that he is a toddler I have forgotten all about this. But I try to remind myself, he has just been alive for 2 years!) From 6 months to 18 months, it was 'easy' for me to be patient for I had a different perspective: I would not get angry when he did something inappropriate or defy what I said because I knew that he simply does not understand me. Hmm...does he understand me better at 24 months? I need to catch up on my reading about toddlers...

I never really removed and substituted anything I disliked him from doing, i.e when he didn't use his teething ring but gnawed my mobile phone instead, perhaps I tried to correct the situation but it would always end up the same. Well I guess at least I tried.

12 to 24 months: Parenting Tool: Teaching Responsibility For (wrong) Actions (by correcting it together)

I don't remember reading about this, but I guess from the training I used to get while working with Gymboree, I instinctively knew that in order for rules to be taught, we must do it together with them. Sort of show an example of what we require from them. Like, you seriously don't expect a 2-year-old to pick up his toys and put them back in the toy box? Right? Does it sound like common sense? And it doesn't matter sometimes how many times you've demonstrated this 'task' to him. He needs the repetition. Sigh. Tiring. Yeah. Well, C'est La Vie. Don't get married late or plan to have children later: you need to zest of youth to parent your child/children!


12 months and up: Parenting Tool: Highlighting Correct Actions (With Praise, Rewarding Behaviour i.e smile, hug, etc)

This is sometimes really hard to remember. You know, it's so much easier to detect something wrong sometimes than to celebrate a quiet, well-done moment. But it doesn't totally go without practice: sometimes we remember to praise his good behaviour or correct actions.

12 months to 8 years: Parenting Tool: Ask for his or her assistance

I think this makes a lot of sense. And yes, in fact when I don't ask for his assistance, he'd want to offer help anyway and end up in a tantrum or getting me into a tantrum. Sheesh. Gotta polish my mommy skills!! And get more creative in problem (or rather tantrum-)solving skills!

12 to 24 months: Parenting Tool: Learning to control anger

Is frustration or being upset for not getting what he wants the same as being angry? I guess it is, since tantrums are a result of not getting what they want and they get upset (disappointed, angry). How do I calm Musa down or let him calm down without giving in to what he wants? Because normally he will throw a huge tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants, and I mean REALLY huge (especially when he's tired, sleepy or restless, he doesn't compromise AT ALL). The advice says to let him calm down in the way he prefers (?) and then correct the situation (repair what was done or do what was not done). And sometimes, time is of the essence, if not patience as well...


12 to 24: Parenting Tool: Use Simple Phrases

Totally guilty. Of talking in adult language. When he does something wrong, say a statement of what he did or wants, i.e "You want chocolate". Then correct it, "No chocolate right until after dinner." Well, I'll try everthing and anything more than once!


12 to 24: Parenting Tool: Give in to a refusal a few times?!

It says that to get a 'yes', you have to give in to a 'no' a few times ("respect" it). Yeah.....I know how infuriating a refusal to do something is...but I guess I'll give this a shot! But again, most of the time, patience and time is running short. But then again, what's all the rush about? Do I need to go out and save a planet from a UFO invasion?? Time and patience...uhhh ummi...

Slow & Tender Songs...

Note: Sometimes all we need is a little tenderness. Allah is full of Tenderness.



The lyrics:

You with the sad eyes
don't be discouraged, oh I realize
it's hard to take courage in a world full of people
you can lose sight of it all
and the darkness inside you can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors, shining through
I see your true colors, and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show, your true colors
true colors, are beautiful, like a rainbow

Show me a smile then
don't be unhappy, can't remember when I last saw you laughing
if this world makes you crazy and you've taken all you can bear
you call me up because you know I'll be there



The lyrics:

You think I'd leave your side baby?
You know me better than that
You think I'd leave down when your down on your knees?
I wouldn't do that

I'll do you right when you're wrong

If only you could see into me

oh, when your cold
I'll be there to hold you tight to me
When your on the outside baby and you can't get in
I will show you, you're so much better than you know
When you're lost, when you're alone and you can't get back again
I will find you, darling, I'll bring you home

If you want to cry, I am here to dry your eyes
and in no time you'll be fine

Study! Study!

pic googled.

(What? You thought all mothers especially homemakers do is watch TV, cook, clean, chat with neighbours, and laze around? We're managers, and we're answerable to Allah for our 'subordinates'. So study I must. Yeah, I think so too, there should be a school/faculty/institute for this, i.e parenting, mothering. And Muslims should be the pioneer)

To study:
(Babycenter articles)

1) About discipline (birth to school age)

2) How not to spoil our kids

3) How to handle a 'spirited toddler' (I believe orang melayu suka label, "anak lasak". Btw, I don't believe in that. Children are meant to be children. If your kid is not 'lasak', then you have a turtle instead of a human child)

4) How to handle a defiant (read: 'degil', naughty, etc) pre-schooler

Kepada Seorang Kekasih: Surat Cinta

The doctor is not God, nor is medicine/drugs.

Dear a piece of my heart,

I am calling you 'a piece of my heart' because I don't know whether you know this, but you have a special place in my heart.

I am not writing this letter to applaud myself for my 'success'. And I am not writing this letter to make you feel any lesser as a woman, wife, mother, or servant of Allah. I am writing this because my 'success' made me feel great - not greater than other women, but it made me feel empowered. And I know that that's not all that one can derive from a 'success' such as that: there are especially important benefits that come from that success. Health benefits. Financial Benefits. Etc.

("success" = natural birth, labor pain management without drugs)

I believe you can do it. I believe you can manage the pain of labor without an epidural. I know you are that strong mentally. But you don't believe it. You just chose to believe that the pain will be too much for you, and with the resources that you have, you opted for an epidural.

You didn't disappoint me. You didn't fail. In a sense.

In another sense, you did fail. You failed to convince yourself that you can handle the pain.

When talking about the pain, sometimes I always feel that it's always adequate to stress that it's a positive pain. Nothing wrong is happening to your body. You need the pain. But I guess it is not enough.

You might ask me, what's so wrong about opting for epidural? It isn't forbidden (haram). True. It isn't.

But it carries with it some possible after-effects.

Yes, I am aware that not everybody suffers those after-effects such as passing out, needing a C-section, needing vacuum, needing forceps, back-pain. But there are those who do. 

I guess the point that I could not accept the most is how you attributed your post-pregnancy 'health' to epidural. I told you directly that I do not think your good health is attributed to taking an epidural. Because that is not what an epidural is meant for. You just think it is due to the epidural, you don't know for sure.

It is not a sin to take an epidural, let me say that again. But the experience of giving birth has so much more to give the birthing mother than just pain. So much more.

And it's such a great, empowering event.
You just need to believe in yourself and practice.
You just need to believe it and feel confident.  
You just need to be a little less scared of pain.
You just need to learn what is happening and try to take a little more control. You need to be more informed.

(Which reminds me, I feel a little hurt that just because I choose to be informed and make informed decisions, please don't call me 'Doctor'. You may call me that, however, if I ever get a Ph.D)

I think many people idolize the field of medicine too much, to the extent of looking at it as an absolute, having no other better alternative. Until they reach a dead end.

Many modern cultures and societies including ours have in fact discovered the limitations of the medical field. Even the celebrated West has turned to alternative medicine, traditional medicine, etc.

I just think we should and deserve to make informed decisions and we should not regard any field or profession in too high a praise or regard.

I know the decision for your first birthing experience has passed. I am just trying to convince you anyway, for your future experiences, and so that you don't go around giving people confidence that getting an epidural is just fine. Not at least before they learn that they can manage the pain in other ways.

I love you.

You didn't fail me. You didn't fail as a woman, wife, mother, or servant of Allah. I just want to share with you, what a great, miraculous, empowering event, labor is.

My new world: parenting a toddler

6 months ago when he was 18 months old. No, he ain't left-handed!

I used to think breastfeeding and remembering monthly solid food food charts were hard. Well. Now I'm a mother to a toddler. A 2 year old toddler. Who knows how to whine, how to ask for sweets, how to throw a tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants. Will someone please buy me earplugs because I really think I need earplugs to survive living with my toddler!

At first it was just whining. But now it has turned into full-blown high-decibels crying!

Well, here goes my 'study notes' about how to handle whining:

Child: Whining - (gets results) - associates whining with getting his way - uses whining as an effective tool.

Step One: Get child to understand which voice is whining. Darn. Have to practice, even demonstrate 'whining voice' to Musa. Is this going to work? Well, tak cuba tak tahu.

Step Two: Duhh. Kids need attention. So 'acknowledge his need for attention'. Tried this a few times and it amazingly works - to squat down near him, face to face when he's whining and soothe him or explain something. I don't know if he understood me but he actually stopped whining!

Step Three: Reward good behaviour whenever you can. I.e if he asks for something in a pleasant manner, give it to him quickly! Hmm...I don't remember doing this, but I should try to remember.

Step Four: If you can't fulfill a request immediately, try explaining the 'steps' he has to wait until his request can be fulfilled, i.e after I put down the pot I will get you your drink. ERK! Many people have tried this but it doesn't work on Musa. But it says to make the child wait a 'realistic length', i.e 2 minutes = for 2 year olds. I'm trying to believe this can be achieved with Musa... and if he ever waits patiently, his behaviour must be praised... Ok...

Step Five: Try to get a conversation going about the thing he is upset about. Er...maybe when he is older? I don't think I can 'chat' with him just right now, at this age. Though I have seen my sister trying to divert his attention by talking about something else when he's getting into a tantrum. Well, sometimes it works.

Step Six: Don't wait for him to complain for attention...Ok... Totally guilty of this. :-( Have to set a regular time for books, toys, have fun, etc...

Step Seven: Avoid red flags, like bringing a sleepy or hungry kid to shopping.

Step Eight: TRY to be neutral when addressing the whining. 'Try' is capitalized because it's so hard to stay 'neutral' when the kid's whining is turning into a scream or shriek... Requires a tonne of patience. Told you it used to be easier!

Step Nine: Never give in to the whining. Well, at least I never do.

Next on my study list: Cry babies and other terrible two's tantrums...

Program Transformasi Ekonomi or ETP

I first read about it at Ustazah Noraslina's Blog (link) but was still rather blur about it. But when Ustaz Hasrizal also wrote about it (link), and explained with details from various sources, then did I understand the urgency of the matter.

They want to build more night clubs, 'offer more jobs', bring in more money into the country by bringing in more tourists, hold more concerts by foreign artists (not that I think local artists do not cause any "damage" to society).

To say that I'm truly shocked, well, not altogether. Isn't it just natural of people who 'put their country first' by all means necessary?

It's very 'nice' of them to throw in some select adjectives (like Rasulullah, Makkah, and some verses from the Holy Qur'an and some hadiths) in their speeches or even hold or take part in some 'religious' campaigns to say, 'Hey! I believe in it too! I work for Islam too' and yadda yadda yadda, but at the end of the day, we just come to one conclusion:

We're being fooled. Orang Melayu cakap, 'di gula-gula kan'.

We're being fooled into believing that we're in the same boat (well in a way we are) with them - what I mean is we're working towards the same aims for the same reason but...

nope. I know I would like to believe it of them. I would like to think good of them. But when the ugly truth comes out, it's distinct as black and white.

Well, that's my two cents of it.

Musa's development: 25 months (2 years 1 month)

(Taken from 19-26 months)

check your own child's at babycenter.com's milestone charts (link)

Basic

• uses a spoon and fork - only whenever he is allowed to, which is not most of the time. But he is better with his hands when eating nasi! (rice)
• enjoys helping around the house - huh?! He throws a tantrum if he doesn't get to!
• feeds a doll - occasionally. rarely does it.
• takes off own clothes - pants, drypants, yes. top, not yet.
• dumps an object in imitation - can imitate most things.
• can walk up stairs - definitely. and downstairs.
• able to set simple goals - simple?? I think they're hardly simple. He wants to do every little thing including opening his yogurt jar eventhough he can't yet and every other little thing like throwing away the yogurt jar. Again, he'll wail a 1000 decibels when we do it instead
• kicks ball forward - done
• follows two-step requests (take it, bring it here) - done
• Name simple picture in a book - done
• Names at least six body parts - hair, ears, nose, eyes, tongue, teeth, lips, belly button, bottoms, hands, feet, farajun. A while ago I taught him knees and toes. 
• Half of speech is understandable - well, most of the time. Sometimes I still don't understand him and take a while to 'translate'.
• makes two to three word sentences - Three words, yes, but sometimes I feel that there's more than three.
• stacks (6) blocks - sometimes. we don't have stacking blocks at home to evaluate.
• walks with smooth heel to toe motion - erk. maybe?

Intermediate

•  does simple puzzles - definitely NOT! He either tears them apart or throws them
• draws a straight line - drawing, maybe. straight lines? maybe not
• open doors - yes
• sings simple tunes - now more than ever
• playing with other kids - not really
• talks about self - yes, sometimes about others as well. More like describing what happened
• arranges things in categories - Maybe not
• uses pronouns - he uses names instead (Musa, Nenek, Ummi, etc)
• washes and dries hands - see below

Advanced

• washes and dries hands with help - help?? he DOESN'T want help! (eventhough he's not good at something)
• exploring genitals - yes
• puts on loose fitting clothes - with a little help
• understands opposites - not sure he understands them, but he can say them
• asks 'why'? - not yet
• begins to understand abstract concepts (sooner, later) - No! (though can be patient sometimes)
• jumps - yes! (because his daddy skips on a skipping rope)
• becomes attuned to gender differences - well I try to make him understand so that he will stop asking me to tie his hair!
• speaks clearly most of the time - not yet
• draws a vertical line - no

Basic:
 Yes - 13
No - 0
Unsure - 2

Intermediate:
 Yes - 4
No - 4
Unsure -1
Advanced:
 Yes - 5
No - 3
Unsure -2


Disclaimer:
This 'report' is for me to keep track of his developments, not to say he is a genius or slow or whatever and especially not to say he is better or not better than other children. He is just fine.

Mari meningkatkan iman: Birthing is a science (Revised)

Flora, Fauna, Our own body, Man-made inventions, and more: should make me and you closer to Allah

NOTE: This entry was originally published on October 19, 2010 and revised on August 23, 2011


Part One: The Science of it

Excerpts from Ustaz Ahmad Baei Jaafar's article in Solusi issue 20, titled 'Sains harus mendekatkan umat dengan tauhid':

Excerpt 1:

Siapa kita? Apakah yang anda tahu tentang diri anda? Ya, benarlah kalau anda belum mengenali diri anda yang sebenar, tidak mungkin anda boleh mengenali Allah.

My birthing note:
I agree. When we learn about the female anatomy and its amazing capabilities regarding birthing, we should feel amazed with Allah, The Greatest Designer. When we refuse to learn, we are (not just) ignorant, and we refuse to be amazed with Allah's Greatness. Wasn't reproduction a topic in Science, taught in sekolah menengah (secondary school)? In another issue of Solusi, Dr. Farhan Hadi explains scientists' amazement at how the female body does not reject and attack the foetus since it is in fact, an "alien" in a woman's body, just as a cancerous tissue or a virus is. He also explains how secure the womb is, and how this fact is mentioned in the Qur'an.

Therefore, it is beyond a shadow of a doubt that I highly encourage myself and my fellow friends to learn about birthing, the female anatomy, breastfeeding, etc as:
(1) learning is required of us Muslims,
(2) learning gives us so much credit/reward/merit (pahala)
(3) and learning makes us fear Allah and makes us closer to Allah (mentioned in Surah Al-Furqan).
(4)This is besides all the other benefits of learning, which among others is enabling us to make informed choices.

Excerpt Two:

Sesungguhnya manusia di ciptakan oleh Allah s.w.t, satu ciptaan yang paling sempurna berbanding dengan makhluk yang lain termasuk malaikat. Tetapi malangnya kita sendiri tidak tahu dan tidak kenal kehebatan diri sendiri.


My birthing note:
 IMPORTANT NOTE: I replace the word 'Pain' or 'Sakit' (Malay) with 'Sensation'. The reason I do this is as follows: In Islam, there is a hadeeth (saying of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him) which says "Words are Du'a". Du'a is often translated as prayer or supplication. The simplest way to understand it is that a du'a is a request (made to God). As I was being trained to become a hypnobirthing childbirth educator, I learnt about using positive affirmations and "suggestions" and I believe that these methods and concepts are totally in line with Islamic teachings, i.e say only good things (also a hadeeth), be careful what you say (because words are du'a)


We know that only women can be pregnant and we know men cannot be. We know that birthing is challenging (due to "horror" birthing stories we are often bombarded with) And then we just stop there.


But some people who have given birth or is ignorant about Allah's great design (the female anatomy and internal/built-in software for birthing), will not stop scaring us into oblivion about the "horrors" of birthing

So women just get one really ugly, awful fact about birthing: It sucks.

No, friends. Birthing doesn't suck. It's NOT torture. Allah is NOT punishing you for your sins.

We are "conditioned into" believing that women suffer when they give birth. What we don't know is that unlike the alien, unbeneficial and unwanted cancerous cells and the effect that cancerous cells brings to our bodies, "the sensations of labor" and the whole challenging process of birthing is:
1.not abnormal,
2.not unbeneficial 
3.and the sweet 'produce' (read: baby) at the end of it is definitely not unwanted.

Before you start accusing me of saying that women should suffer the sensations of labor for some good reason, give me another 2 minutes and read on.


Part Two: Understanding the sensations

I said the advent of the uterus starting to aid the baby out needs to happen, it isn't an abnormality of the female anatomy, unlike a disease. Ofcourse it needs to happen. It's an abnormality when it doesn't happen (Absence of contractions is another topic altogether. Inductions are RARELY necessary. Do your homework: link) We need the contractions, to help baby get out. Did I say we? I meant you. You the pregnant woman in labor.

When you take pethidine, entonox, epidural or whatsoever drug which interferes with the communication between the nerves and your brain, the doctor or midwife feels your belly for a contraction and when it happens, asks you to imagine yourself trying to defecate. Nice.

But that's not all that happens. You're drugged and/or drowsy and so becomes your newborn, to a lesser or higher degree. Some moms and babies are still alert, some are a tad blur, while some are sleepy and some, totally pass out. It's a mere possibility, but that's the risk you open yourself and your newborn to.

Miraculously, the contractions of the uterus during labor has never killed any woman. Sometimes, women do die giving birth, but not because of the contractions!

Now I understand why Lamaze started a campaign to 'celebrate birth'. Shame on us Muslims for NOT celebrating the wonderfully taqwa-building event of birth.

And tell me which part of birthing is not a part of being Muslim? 

Is birthing not an ibadah? Yes, birthing is not a 'Fear Factor' contest, you don't get any medals for birthing without drugs as relievers BUT the "contractions" don't go on for hours without end; it comes and it goes. It starts off not very intense and gradually intensifies for a reason, for a purpose. The contractions, is part of a software for birthing, which Allah installed in your body!

Use this miraculous event to thank Allah for permitting the software to run/initiate/begin, and for providing relief when it goes away for a little while.


But when we:

• refuse to learn about it (for whatever reason)
• refuse to be amazed by the great design and plan,  
• refuse to perceive it in a positive way, 
• refuse to be humbled by it and grateful for it
•  thus it becomes nothing but an awful, horrifying ordeal to go through just in order to have a baby.

So another great event in our life will just pass us by without bringing much meaning (or taqwa building) except the memory of pain. :-(

To me this is a terrible, terrible loss for a Muslim.

We refuse to recognize the great design and plan of the Great Creator. We, either men or women, are capable of great things. Birthing is a great thing and women are thus capable of a great thing.

Disclaimer:
Before I get assaulted for making people feel guilty for taking pain relieving drugs during labor, I remind you that I am not writing to make people feel bad, I am writing to inspire people about what they are capable of due to Allah's Ingenuity in His Design of the female body.

Part Four: My labor sensations

Let's talk about "the sensations".

Birth of firstborn: I thanked Allah everytime He made my contraction subside (while it was still mild), and mentally repeated to myself: it's a positive sensation. (In fact I said it to myself loudly) And yes, I started vocalising when it intensified, but with my doctor's encouragement and instructions, I stopped and focused on pushing everytime my uterus contracted. (at that point, i didn't know i didn't have to push. Yup, we don't have to literally push like when we're constipating, NO need for that. Google 'breathing baby down' or 'birth breathing')

Yes, at first I became a bit 'blur' when the contractions intensified, but I was sober, my mind was still there. I remember feeling a little disappointed when they lowered my bed (I wanted to be in a semi-upright position instead of  horizontal), I remember them injecting something into my arm and thinking, "What's this? Nobody told me about this jab" and most importantly, I was able to gather myself between the contractions to listen to the doctor's instructions.

She told me, don't waste your energy vocalising, you need the energy to push the baby out (remember, you DON'T have to push!). When you feel it coming (uterus start to contract, tummy "hardens"), grit your teeth, push your chin onto your chest, and push! (This is what the doctor said, as a CBE in training, I would tell you to breathe, relax, breathe baby down and out)


Conclusion:
Birthing is a science. 
Birthing is a miraculous event. 
Birthing is a wonderful moment of security. 
Birthing is a chance to build taqwa, be thankful to Allah and feel closer to Allah. 

It's not torture. It's not a punishment.  
The most powerful anesthetic to help you with the sensation is, YOUR MIND.

Unbiased Info on natural birth

Click to view their explanations (direct link)

Journal 1

The Natural Family

Kidshealth.org

Why (did I choose) Natural Childbirth?

Salam, Hello there. Nice to meet you =)

Salam,

Last two years, while waiting for the birth of my first baby, I started to do some online research on birthing. I watched birth videos, and stumbled upon Lamaze.org and Birthingnaturally.net. Some months before I even conceived, I happened to watch a TV program about water birth.

And my simple research made me decide, I want a natural birth:

• I don't want to be induced (therefore I will try some methods of being induced naturally like lots of walking, eating and drinking certain food and drink, etc), 
• I don't want any kind of drugs as pain relievers (therefore I will practice active birth positions and other comfort measures)
• And I also informed my gynae of my decision (besides choosing one who is open to the idea).

But the question that haunts me now, in trying to promote natural birth to friends, is why should we attempt to give birth naturally? As I searched the net for the answer for 'Why Natural Childbirth?', I realized that I have to find the answer within me first.

Yes, I did succeed to give birth naturally, without being induced with artificial oxytocin called pitocin and yes, I did not use any drugs as pain relievers. But nobody gave me a medal for that. I was not trying to win a contest for the bravest woman alive. In fact, as I try to recall, my reasons for attempting natural birth was because:

1. (My biggest motivation was) Especially because, we didn't have a lot of money. The administering of drugs, especially epidural and especially at a private hospital costs at least RM500, if not more. We were struggling to even save up for the necessities of the hospital bill, so another bulky RM500 for a pain reliever was a financial burden.

As a result, I opted to do these things: I borrowed RM60 from my sis to buy a birthing ball (which was actually just a normal gym ball) and PRACTICED on it at home, I watched online videos of women using movement as a comfort measure and occasionally PRACTICED them, I made a playlist of calming music to be played during active birth, and I bought a bottle of calming massage oil (the only comfort measure I didn't get to use, I was too focused on moving). The other comfort measure I didn't get to apply was taking a hot shower because the water never warmed!

2. The other reason I was attracted to attempt natural birth was the fact that it involved in believing and trusting that Allah had designed women's body to give birth; (note that I said to GIVE BIRTH, not to suffer the pain of child birth). I subscribe to the belief that yes, some if not most things work best when its course is run naturally, and that things that are 'natural' are better.

To me it's pretty simple, actually. Artificial food, artificial flowers, artificial fibers, and other objects, products and things that you can think of. What comes to your mind about them? They don't taste good, they don't look or smell good and they're bad for your health, to a lesser or greater degree. Men are intelligent, and technology is good, but Allah is greater than man and technology. Medical intervention is good when it is really necessary.

Though sometimes in life we are forced into some "unnatural" circumstances and we survive just fine, but most of the time, even in those hard situations, we often let things go slowly, and 'naturally', because we instinctively know that it is better that way. Like love which gradually builds in friendships and relationships.

Getting back to medical interventions and artificially inducing or speeding up labor and taking drugs to eliminate labor pain, yes - nobody gets a medal for choosing natural birth, and it's not a contest.

But it's quirky how we choose to 'go natural' or 'choose natural' in many aspects in life but when it comes to birth and medicine, we hold the medical world in absolute authority. Forgetting to trust Allah and His plan, design and creation ("nature").

I truly believe that birthing has in fact been taken away from mothers and has become a 'business'. The very intimate, special, miraculous event has been robbed away from mothers and their family to become artificial, robotic, unnatural and supposedly leaves everyone in the 'dark'. Only the doctor and nurses know what to do and what is going on.

Our intelligence shouldn't be degraded and we shouldn't be so ignorant.

Nobody likes to be totally ignorant about cars, computers, handphones, houses, etc so that when we buy or repair them, we won't get cheated by people who sell them or repair them. We are willing to educate ourselves about cars, computers, handphones, etc, but why do we refuse to learn and make informed decisions about childbirth?

Weird, isn't it?

I didn't win any medals or contest for attempting and succeeding at natural birth. But I felt good, because my body and Allah didn't let me down: I trusted Allah and He permitted me to go through birth with pain AND relief. It didn't take me at least 6 hours of pain: my waterbag burst at 8am, contractions began to become intense from 9am onwards, and Musa came out at 11am. So my first labor took 3 hours, because Allah permit it to be so, praise to Allah for allowing my efforts to result in success.

After birth, I was amazed that I did not feel sleepy or exhausted. So I could initiate breastfeeding early, eventhough it was with much mistakes. Well, there's a first for everyone.

I do not want to make other people feel bad or disappointed for going through hours and hours of contractions and medical interventions, not every birth is the same. But we can always attempt and prepare ourselves for birthing; because WE are the ones giving birth, and it is the birth of our loved one, and it should be a 'moment'. And it shouldn't be taken away from us from anybody at all, especially those who don't really care about us.....

A short one on Natural Birth

Image from this link (online bookstore)


(Excuse this need to express myself after reading some thumbs down reviews on Dr. Sears' Book which promotes natural birth on amazon)

Natural Birth, as in everything else in this world, has people for it and people who are somewhat not too keen about it. Well, I do agree that people have different pain thresholds BUT as a Muslim, I believe in:

1)The mind as a great gift and tool given to us by Allah. And that a lot of things in this world are often a problem or not (or in this case 'very horrifying or not') due to how we perceive something. And you must agree with me, that a person with the least ability to endure physical pain, sometimes is highly capable to endure emotional pain in certain situations, vice versa, etc. But to me, an important thing about being a Muslim is being knowledgeable, just enough to be able to make informed decisions. Making informed decisions means that we are not total idiots about the choices we make or the choices people make for us. When we have made at least some research or read up a little, then the harder it is for people to take advantage of our ignorance (i.e charge us more than they should for a certain product, make up spend more money than we should, etc) or in simple words, cheat or fool us.

2)But specifically speaking about childbirth, Allah has taught us in the Qur'an, ways to manage labor pain by telling us about the birth of Isa a.s. (Surah Maryam, verse 23-26) We just need to practice and prepare ourselves mentally and physically for it. For me, as a Muslim, there is no better motivation and encouragement than this lesson from the Qur'an.

3)Not everybody has the financial means to use expensive (often drug) pain relievers. And 'everybody' means A LOT of women from the middle and lower income group. Because in most countries, these income groups make up for the majority of the society. So when managing labor pain in a natural way is not promoted and campaigned, that means A LOT of women are often left to just suffer pain with absolutely NO COMFORT MEASURES AT ALL. And yes, this is awful since giving birth is welcoming a beautiful gift into the world. The pain can be managed, not suffered. Birth is a wonderful experience, because the pregnant woman is not sick. There is a little pain, yes, and life is about managing our pain(s). Though there are some "pains" that deserve to be erased totally (like certain dangerous criminals), but in birthing/giving birth, the pain is there for a good reason, and erasing it bring about some negative effects that parents should be able to make informed decisions about.

Disclaimer: I do not intend to make any mother feel bad for having being induced, an epidural, C-section or anything else less than a natural birth. I am just promoting what I believe in for its importance and goodness.

Part 2: Susuibu.com International Lactation Conference 2010

Why are we so obsessed with numbers?

Why do we define our self worth and the worthiness of other things in numbers?

 (Pics googled)

In the last entry, I forgot to include an introduction to the conference's three main speakers: (Info taken from the conference's main website)

• Dr. Jack Newman – world renowned expert on childcare and breastfeeding, author of best selling books “Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers”


• Sue Cox – distinguished author, speaker and pioneer in breastfeeding support in Australia. Author of “Breastfeeding with Confidence” and “Baby Magic”

• Diana West – distinguished speaker and author of best selling book “Making More Milk”.

(I rarely open the lappy these days, so please forgive me for the time gap between these entries)

Anyway, in this entry, I will tell you about the first talk, very sarcastically titled "Numbers On Demand" (I'll tell you why it's sarcastic in a minute) by the very knowledgeable, and VERY funny Dr. Jack Newman. (He's a funny old man, visit his site, there's LOADS of important info there to remind you of the very stupid thing called formula feeding)

It seemed very funny to me that Dr. Newman himself chose to quote Antoine de Saint-Exupery, because when we talk about adults, and how important "numbers" are to them and how 'numbers' seem to amaze them, I could think of nobody else but the mention of it in Antoine de Saint-Exupery's book, The Little Prince.

Here it is:

"Grown-ups like numbers."

"If you tell grown-ups, "I saw a beautiful red brick house, with geraniums at the windows and doves on the roof...," they won't be able to imagine such a house. You have to tell them, "I saw a house worth a hundred thousand francs." Then they exclaim, "What a pretty house!"

So Dr.Newman's talk was aptly titled 'Numbers On Demand' to highlight how SO MANY ERRORS in breastfeeding are made due to people's obsession in defining breastfeeding according to the 'number' of so-and-so. For example, the baby's weight (the breastfed baby's supposed poor weight gain), the time length of a feeding on one breast, yadda yadda yadda.

Want a longer list of things adults will involve numbers and calculation with, in attempt to be 'scientific' and supposedly accurate about breastfeeding? Here it is:

1. Weighing machines/scales. Did you know they can be devastatingly INaccurate? And growth charts are based on formula-fed babies?

2.Weighing babies with their diapers on

3.Weighing babies who were just recently breastfed

4.Giving a time-frame to breastfeeding (babies should suckle for so-and-so number of minutes on each side)

5.Defining how much baby has drank by weighing him after he/she is breastfed and determining milk supply by such theory

6.The supposed frequency of initial breastfeeding (first few days) i.e every 3 hours, 2 hours, 4 hours, etc.

(Dr. Newman's talk and slides were in fact much, much more laden with info than this, but I am not able to transfer and digest absolutely everything. He also discussed jaundice in detail)

To almost all these factors which would result in a 'problem' for the breastfed baby, the solution was: to watch the baby (his chin, especially) while he/she is being nursed to determine whether he is actually drinking or not.

Thus, problems arise from poor breastfeeding practices. Not from breastmilk or breastfeeding itself. And poor breastfeeding can be corrected.

And, before jumping out to buy a can of formula, there are BETTER alternatives, number ONE being expressed breastmilk, especially via lactation aid (a small tube used near the breast, so that mother and baby are kept familiar with breastfeeding)

So among the things that we have achieved by being "modern, up-to-date with technology, and scientific" is, we have lost the ability to be natural: going back to fitrah (an Arabic word that could be used to mean natural).

Wouldn't you agree that our world has in fact become quite God-less and immoral? (People against God and religion are not welcomed to answer, thank you) Believing in God is a part of our nature. And Allah has also made breastfeeding a natural thing, so much so that Allah mentions in the Qur'an (in Surah Al-Baqarah, chapter 2, verse ). The same goes for natural birth (which includes drug-free labor pain management), Allah tells us how to manage labor pain by relating to us the birth of Isa a.s.

Dr. Newman said that there's MORE to breastfeeding than JUST breastmilk. Do you understand what I mean? Formula milk companies are claiming this and that about their milk, but feeding your child is not JUST about filling his gut and watching his 'meat' expand. (pardon the sarcasm)

Formula milk companies have to work so hard in brainwashing people into thinking how healthy, how much better, how beneficial their milk is (and not to mention how supposedly convenient it is) because in fact, FORMULA MILK CAN NEVER BE COMPARED TO BREASTMILK. Formula milk CAN NEVER become a substitute for breastmilk.

Formula milk companies fork out millions in marketing campaigns to brainwash you and exploit the modern educated women's "ignorance" about breastfeeding (I do not apologize for the pun) because they will rake in gadzillions of millions in consumer purchases, preying on ignorance! (and not to mention fear)