Kepada Seorang Kekasih: Surat Cinta

The doctor is not God, nor is medicine/drugs.

Dear a piece of my heart,

I am calling you 'a piece of my heart' because I don't know whether you know this, but you have a special place in my heart.

I am not writing this letter to applaud myself for my 'success'. And I am not writing this letter to make you feel any lesser as a woman, wife, mother, or servant of Allah. I am writing this because my 'success' made me feel great - not greater than other women, but it made me feel empowered. And I know that that's not all that one can derive from a 'success' such as that: there are especially important benefits that come from that success. Health benefits. Financial Benefits. Etc.

("success" = natural birth, labor pain management without drugs)

I believe you can do it. I believe you can manage the pain of labor without an epidural. I know you are that strong mentally. But you don't believe it. You just chose to believe that the pain will be too much for you, and with the resources that you have, you opted for an epidural.

You didn't disappoint me. You didn't fail. In a sense.

In another sense, you did fail. You failed to convince yourself that you can handle the pain.

When talking about the pain, sometimes I always feel that it's always adequate to stress that it's a positive pain. Nothing wrong is happening to your body. You need the pain. But I guess it is not enough.

You might ask me, what's so wrong about opting for epidural? It isn't forbidden (haram). True. It isn't.

But it carries with it some possible after-effects.

Yes, I am aware that not everybody suffers those after-effects such as passing out, needing a C-section, needing vacuum, needing forceps, back-pain. But there are those who do. 

I guess the point that I could not accept the most is how you attributed your post-pregnancy 'health' to epidural. I told you directly that I do not think your good health is attributed to taking an epidural. Because that is not what an epidural is meant for. You just think it is due to the epidural, you don't know for sure.

It is not a sin to take an epidural, let me say that again. But the experience of giving birth has so much more to give the birthing mother than just pain. So much more.

And it's such a great, empowering event.
You just need to believe in yourself and practice.
You just need to believe it and feel confident.  
You just need to be a little less scared of pain.
You just need to learn what is happening and try to take a little more control. You need to be more informed.

(Which reminds me, I feel a little hurt that just because I choose to be informed and make informed decisions, please don't call me 'Doctor'. You may call me that, however, if I ever get a Ph.D)

I think many people idolize the field of medicine too much, to the extent of looking at it as an absolute, having no other better alternative. Until they reach a dead end.

Many modern cultures and societies including ours have in fact discovered the limitations of the medical field. Even the celebrated West has turned to alternative medicine, traditional medicine, etc.

I just think we should and deserve to make informed decisions and we should not regard any field or profession in too high a praise or regard.

I know the decision for your first birthing experience has passed. I am just trying to convince you anyway, for your future experiences, and so that you don't go around giving people confidence that getting an epidural is just fine. Not at least before they learn that they can manage the pain in other ways.

I love you.

You didn't fail me. You didn't fail as a woman, wife, mother, or servant of Allah. I just want to share with you, what a great, miraculous, empowering event, labor is.