Mommy's Study Notes: Discipline Part 1

Case 1: Never stopped opening the fridge since the first time he learnt to do so....This was A YEAR ago!

Case 2: Loves climbing, loves computers. This was when he was 12 months old!!

Allah made rules and systems because in compliance to it, there will be much benefit for us. Only Allah's rules and systems are perfect and flawless, but that doesn't mean that just because human-made rules and systems are subject to flaws, we need to defy them. I do agree some are faulty to the extent of being oppressive, but in we need to keep an open mind before deciding that one is so. When it comes to parenting, discipline is a type of set of rules or system that require consistent application.

Allah has a 'discipline' that His creatures whether flora or fauna adheres to without question; night changes into day, day changes into night. And with this change, His creatures adhere to the discipline He has set for each and everyone of them. It is for their own benefit.

We need, in fact thrive on somekind of discipline, or system, or norm, no matter how lax or strict or in between. Sometimes we go wayward into one direction, and pull ourselves back down the middle.

So I am a parent now, a mother. I have to discipline myself and learn up disciplines I don't already have in order to be a good Muslim; in order to reap the benefits from adhering the a discipline or disciplines.

Discipline to me, can only be positive, unless it is the negative type, which is either extremes: lax or too strict (almost unhuman). To me, this is always debatable, people can always tell you, "Let him be a kid" or "You're spoiling him." according to their own definition of something. In fact, I've had both said to me about how I parent/discipline Musa. So, am I spoiling him or am I too strict? I am neither: I try to be in-between or wasatiyyah. I try.

Let's review my notes (studying articles at babycenter.com):

Birth to 12 months: Parenting Tool: "Attachment Parenting"

I have put my foot down ever since the day he was born: I will touch, hold, hug, cradle, etc my child and no, I am not spoiling him. He's a baby. Is it wrong for him to want his mother? All babies, even animal young, want their mother. They are even capable of dying when separated from their mother, eventhough they are well looked after and well fed. That's how powerful a mother is to an infant (especially). It's just 12 months anyway, until he becomes a toddler, then we can start on the topic of not giving in to a child. The only 'disciplining' I did was to sleep-train him at the age of 6 months. I guess it is a type of disciplining. Besides that, I am with him for the other hours that he isn't asleep. I simply WILL NOT accept the saying, "Don't constantly hold him and respond to his cries" (Especially NOT on the day he was born!!!!! But except during sleep-training sessions)

6 months to 18 months: Parenting Tool: "Remove & Substitute"-somewhat

Ah, the phase of experimenting, discovering, learning, amazement (now that he is a toddler I have forgotten all about this. But I try to remind myself, he has just been alive for 2 years!) From 6 months to 18 months, it was 'easy' for me to be patient for I had a different perspective: I would not get angry when he did something inappropriate or defy what I said because I knew that he simply does not understand me. Hmm...does he understand me better at 24 months? I need to catch up on my reading about toddlers...

I never really removed and substituted anything I disliked him from doing, i.e when he didn't use his teething ring but gnawed my mobile phone instead, perhaps I tried to correct the situation but it would always end up the same. Well I guess at least I tried.

12 to 24 months: Parenting Tool: Teaching Responsibility For (wrong) Actions (by correcting it together)

I don't remember reading about this, but I guess from the training I used to get while working with Gymboree, I instinctively knew that in order for rules to be taught, we must do it together with them. Sort of show an example of what we require from them. Like, you seriously don't expect a 2-year-old to pick up his toys and put them back in the toy box? Right? Does it sound like common sense? And it doesn't matter sometimes how many times you've demonstrated this 'task' to him. He needs the repetition. Sigh. Tiring. Yeah. Well, C'est La Vie. Don't get married late or plan to have children later: you need to zest of youth to parent your child/children!


12 months and up: Parenting Tool: Highlighting Correct Actions (With Praise, Rewarding Behaviour i.e smile, hug, etc)

This is sometimes really hard to remember. You know, it's so much easier to detect something wrong sometimes than to celebrate a quiet, well-done moment. But it doesn't totally go without practice: sometimes we remember to praise his good behaviour or correct actions.

12 months to 8 years: Parenting Tool: Ask for his or her assistance

I think this makes a lot of sense. And yes, in fact when I don't ask for his assistance, he'd want to offer help anyway and end up in a tantrum or getting me into a tantrum. Sheesh. Gotta polish my mommy skills!! And get more creative in problem (or rather tantrum-)solving skills!

12 to 24 months: Parenting Tool: Learning to control anger

Is frustration or being upset for not getting what he wants the same as being angry? I guess it is, since tantrums are a result of not getting what they want and they get upset (disappointed, angry). How do I calm Musa down or let him calm down without giving in to what he wants? Because normally he will throw a huge tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants, and I mean REALLY huge (especially when he's tired, sleepy or restless, he doesn't compromise AT ALL). The advice says to let him calm down in the way he prefers (?) and then correct the situation (repair what was done or do what was not done). And sometimes, time is of the essence, if not patience as well...


12 to 24: Parenting Tool: Use Simple Phrases

Totally guilty. Of talking in adult language. When he does something wrong, say a statement of what he did or wants, i.e "You want chocolate". Then correct it, "No chocolate right until after dinner." Well, I'll try everthing and anything more than once!


12 to 24: Parenting Tool: Give in to a refusal a few times?!

It says that to get a 'yes', you have to give in to a 'no' a few times ("respect" it). Yeah.....I know how infuriating a refusal to do something is...but I guess I'll give this a shot! But again, most of the time, patience and time is running short. But then again, what's all the rush about? Do I need to go out and save a planet from a UFO invasion?? Time and patience...uhhh ummi...