Looking at the sky makes me want to cry coz do I ever try to fly high enough to reach You?

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

My persimmons and plain bread baby

Fruits and plain bread for breakfast since you won't eat anything else.

Except some plain cornflakes and hot chocolate with "goat drink" (goat milk) (i avoid using the word "milk" in order not to confuse her between breastmilk and other milks)

AMANI Childbirth Educator & Doula Training Program


Assalamua'laikum and Hi
Bismillah,

  • Can you imagine a laboring woman as actively moving, eating, drinking and enjoying the seclusive-ness and intimacy of her POSITIVE birthing experience as the honorable lady Maryam, mother of Isa, alaihi salam?*

*Please reflect on the verses from Surah Maryam, chapter 19, verses 24-26
  • Would you like to help Mothers and their spouses gain a positive labouring and birthing experience?
  • In November 2012, sister Aisha Al Hajjar, birth activist extraordinaire of AMANI Community Center, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia is coming all the way to Malaysia to conduct a training course which will certify individuals as a Doula and Childbirth Educator.

The AMANI Program is the first of its kind in the realm of gentle birthing and childbirth education, as it gives a fresh, islamic outlook on birthing as an ibadah (devotion).
More info about course can be obtained at this link: http://www.amanibirth.com/2012/04/do-you-want-to-be-amani-birth-teacher.html

Event:
a 3 full-day, 20-hour training course to become a Doula and Childbirth Educator

Venue:
Bilik Balqis, Masjid Al-Ghufran, PTTDI, KL

Accomodation:
Participants are advised to book their own rooms at these nearby locations:
1.Masjid Al-Ghufran:
03-77282127, 03-77267642, 03-77103534 (http://alghufran.com.my/index.php/katalog/sewaan-kamar-musafir/)
2.One  World Hotel, Bandar Utama City Centre: 
03-76811111/03-77122222 (http://www.oneworldhotel.com.my)

 Childcare:
 Additional Fee: 
RM 45 first child per day

RM 25 subsequent child per day

(service provided by MuMs Group)


Date & Time:
0800-0500 daily
19 - 21 November 2012 (Monday -  Wednesday)

Medium of instruction:
English

Early bird fee:
RM1,200 (full payment before Oct 1, 2012) PLUS additional RM60 for Meals

After Oct 1, 2012:
RM 1,400 (full payment before October 31, 2012) PLUS additional RM60 for Meals

Important:
>>> PLEASE READ  Info about course:

>>>There is an additional USD 50 certification fee to be paid individually upon submitting the book and/or birth review(info at this link)

>>>Course Fees do NOT include: Accomodation and Childcare. Participants will be advised accordingly.

>>>Please bring two pillows of your choice
>>>Participants will be seated on the floor (optional seats available)

>>> Nursing babies are welcomed!

SEATS ARE LIMITED!

For enquiries & booking:
1.Fill in this online application form (link)
2.Inform the coordinator at this address: mahabatullah@hotmail.com

Reminder for soon-to-be laboring and birthing moms

Ash-shua'ra: verse 93

مِن دُونِ اللَّهِ هَلْ يَنصُرُونَكُمْ أَوْ يَنتَصِرُونَ

Besides Allah? Can they help you or yet help themselves?

Note:
In this worldly life, hikmah and knowledge is very, very useful and precious especially in making us feel better and "saving" lives. This fact is without doubt. However, perhaps more often than not, we forgot to put Allah in front of our effort instead of the very back. Effort and knowledge (skill, research, experience) does not make ANYONE a better "specialist" of the human being than the Creator.

I call upon myself and all readers, soon to be laboring and birthing moms or not, to be reminded that Allah needs no "effort" and no "skill" from us to grant us something. This can be easily understood from the miraculous examples of the food in Maryam's chamber, the cool fire which did not burn the prophet ibrahim, and many more.

Dear self and dear friends... No matter how "bad" something seems, there is a lesson to be learnt and to acquire that lesson requires quiet internal reflection, undoubtedly a do'a seeking guidance from Allah and inshaallah a good friend to guide us to the straight path (with Allah's permission).


Ash-shua'ra: verse 62

قَالَ كَلَّا إِنَّ مَعِيَ رَبِّي سَيَهْدِينِ

He said: By no means; surely my Lord is with me: He will show me a way out.

Let us prepare for birth, as one of those moments which we can cling only to Allah, and not to any human, no matter how "specialized" they are in the "field". Be it doctor, doula, midwife, friend, mother, etc. And why not extend this wonderful perspective, to all other areas of our life. Inshaallah, amin.

We have no greater Helper than Allah. In any area and happening in life. Be it birth or not.

Let us take upon ourselves to be responsible for our health. Eat healthily, learn about food, nutrition, recuperation, anatomy, physiology, just enough to be a good muslim (not to become an expert, so DON'T call me Doctor). Let us celebrate Allah's ingenuity by being knowledgeable, educated and run away from Jahannam and being Jahil (ignorant).

Laboring and birthing is as normal as peeing and pooing and sexual intercourse! Laboring and birthing is NORMAL!

Learn about a different face of birth :)
May Allah reward your efforts with guidance, and the best of rewards.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Al-Qur'an: Water

Chapter 24: verse 45

Every living creature is created from water

وَاللَّهُ خَلَقَ كُلَّ دَابَّةٍ مِّن مَّاءٍ فَمِنْهُم مَّن يَمْشِي عَلَىٰ بَطْنِهِ وَمِنْهُم مَّن يَمْشِي عَلَىٰ رِجْلَيْنِ وَمِنْهُم مَّن يَمْشِي عَلَىٰ أَرْبَعٍ يَخْلُقُ اللَّهُ مَا يَشَاءُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ

And Allah has created from water every living creature: so of them is that which walks upon its belly, and of them is that which walks upon two feet, and of them is that which walks upon four; Allah creates what He pleases; surely Allah has power over all things.



Chapter 8: verse 11

Water (rain) as a medium of purification, rejuvenation, to remove physical dirt and emotional doubt, leaving a sense of security and peace

إِذْ يُغَشِّيكُمُ النُّعَاسَ أَمَنَةً مِّنْهُ وَيُنَزِّلُ عَلَيْكُم مِّنَ السَّمَاءِ مَاءً لِّيُطَهِّرَكُم بِهِ وَيُذْهِبَ عَنكُمْ رِجْزَ الشَّيْطَانِ وَلِيَرْبِطَ عَلَىٰ قُلُوبِكُمْ وَيُثَبِّتَ بِهِ الْأَقْدَامَ

When He caused calm to fall on you as a security from Him and sent down upon you water from the cloud that He might thereby purify you, and take away from you the uncleanness of the Shaitan, and that He might fortify your hearts and steady (your) footsteps thereby.

Al-Qur'an: Clouds

Surah an nur / chapter 24: verse 43

Describing Clouds:

أَلَمْ تَرَ أَنَّ اللَّهَ يُزْجِي سَحَابًا ثُمَّ يُؤَلِّفُ بَيْنَهُ ثُمَّ يَجْعَلُهُ رُكَامًا فَتَرَى الْوَدْقَ يَخْرُجُ مِنْ خِلَالِهِ وَيُنَزِّلُ مِنَ السَّمَاءِ مِن جِبَالٍ فِيهَا مِن بَرَدٍ فَيُصِيبُ بِهِ مَن يَشَاءُ وَيَصْرِفُهُ عَن مَّن يَشَاءُ يَكَادُ سَنَا بَرْقِهِ يَذْهَبُ بِالْأَبْصَارِ

Do you not see that Allah drives along the clouds, then gathers them together, then piles them up, so that you see the rain coming forth from their midst? And He sends down of the clouds that are (like) mountains wherein is hail, afflicting therewith whom He pleases and turning it away from whom He pleases; the flash of His lightning almost takes away the sight.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

I'tikaf: 28th day, 29th night and day

For some strange reason; since I've never listened in-person to a talk by Ustaz zahazan, he seemed a little "garang" or strangely serious in the last two episodes of Tanyalah Ustaz for Ramadhan 1433. Either that or my mind is just being creative :p

Ustaz Nasran (seen here in pink, trying a hand at ping pong) manages the questions before they are asked live during the live telecast. Funny guy.

On the 28th day, it was the last live telecast for the ramadhan series of Tanya lah Ustaz. How heartfelt of Ustaz nasran and ustaz zahazan to have a closing ceremony (not aired) with a du'a recitation joined together with all the crew. Then at about 11.30am, I had the chance to see the live telecast of Tanyalah Ustazah. The guest speaker was Ustazah Asni. Wow, she may or may not have seem very made-up on screen, but she seemed very "made up" in person. I guess to appear on tv without looking pale (?) you would need to be made up.

Oh I forgot to mention that Ustaz zahazan's presence was not without Freebies for the audience! Yay! Free copies of Solusi, Gen-Q, and Al-Ustaz was given away. After that he also promoted some new books like Al-Qur'an khas dengan penanda wakaf dan ibtida' done by Ustaz Hassan Azhari (the old famous man - Jalaluddin Hassan's dad). Quite a few copies was sold that morning!

Alhamdulillah on that Friday, a few booths were also set up to help people donate to Cambodian (Kemboja) Muslims and Burmese Muslims (Rohingya refugees). Alhamdulillah.

The 29th night saw a few new faces in the women's compound and it was quite full but not really overcrowded (like night 23).

Got to know some new "neighbours" (my first time chatting with any). But generally by 29th day it was obvious that many people had left. I was worried by the time for ifthar that lots of food would be wasted but alhamdulillah (new) people came to join the ifthar.

We left soon after isya', after I confirmed the date of 1 syawal. Luckily I tuned into Tv1 via an app just in time to catch the man announce the date!

Alhamdulillah.... There goes my experience of i'tikaf for a few days in Masjid Negeri. Taqabalallahu minna wa minkum, Eid Mubarak!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Quirky observations: iktikaf

1. Many have started to use "digital qur'an" - read the qur'an using ipad, smartphones. Young and old alike!

2. Many are using tupperware eco bottles.. -_-" ehehe

3. Black prayer tops is the trend now?

Peringatan buat pencinta Pencipta

"Yang telah menciptakan aku, maka Dia yang menunjuki aku. Dan Tuhanku, yang Dia memberi makan dan minum kepadaku. Dan apabila aku sakit, Dialah yang menyembuhkan aku. Dan yang akan mematikanku, kemudian menghidupkanku. Dia yang amat aku inginkan akan mengampuni kesalahanku pada hari kiamat"

Asy-syu'ara (26): 78-82

Peringatan yang sangat baik buat pasangan yang bakal menimang cahaya mata. Baik untuk persediaan melahirkan.

Iktikaf: 28th night, 12.53am

Suasana nya tenang, ramai yang beribadah tidur, apa segelintir pula yang beribadah solat dan tilawah, mungkin ada yang zikir dan tadabbur/tafakkur.

Suasana yang sangat menginsafkan.

Iktikaf: 27th day and 28th night

After subuh, went to listen to Tanya lah Ustaz at the hall. Ustaz Zahazan was on and the hall was overflowing with people. I guess people like him that much. Kids had their simple twiggie breakfast (zainab just a bit of gardenia waffles). And then we slept even without bathing them first. When i woke up, Abu M said M crapped in his pants so he bathed M already. I gave Z to him for her bath. It was 11.

After we all had had our baths, we took a walk by the stalls. By then it was after zuhr. Then Abu M went to the post office for me to pick up a parcel. By the time he returned, which was about 4.00pm, both kids were asleep. Woke them up at 6 for a bath. For iftar, to entice them to sit and eat their dinner, I actually bought a jajan M said he wanted. Those nini cokolat celup type.

Sort of made M sit down, but Z didin't buy the idea.

I was horribly drowsy during isya' prayer and simply had to sleep it out first. No point in praying terawikh jemaah in a drowsy state. Slept for nearly an hour and then woke up. Earlier on Abu M had sent Z to the nursery, with some accidents. She pooed and it leaked to her pants. She barely even ate anything the whole day, for that matter. Oh well.

So at 10pm I prayed my terawikh and finished at about 25 minutes later to have a simple supper with the family.

There are less people in the compound tonight and besides people may have started to balik kampung anyway.

So... Maybe one or two more nights here?

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Iktikaf : 26 morning and 27 night

Another night with the mozzies. I thought it was a good location until the mozzies attacked us. Z couldn't sleep and neither could I. Rasa macam nak menangis. Orang takde lah ramai mana pun, and I was left wondering why we were among the only ones attacked by mozzies. I noticed someone near us was also having difficulty sleeping.

I actually googled at that time, if VCO (virgin coconut oil) could act as mosquito repellent. I smeared some on the mozzie "bitemarks" on my skin. Oh what a night.

We somehow survived. At 4.15 i went to take a bath. Makan sahur, then solat sunat. Ofcourse I was sleepy, that was undeniable. But was going to leave for home, so at about 6.45 we left.

At home I washed two loads of clothes and hanged them before finally bunking beside Z. And oh, ofcourse I gave the kids a bath FIRST when we reached home. So i think i slept at about 10.30am. Ahh it felt good to sleep.

I woke up quite 'late' though, at about 3pm. It was raining. Took my wudhu, solat zuhur and kemas beg for the remaining 4 days of iktikaf.

Reached the mosque at about 6.15pm after we went to get some pampers and made a cash deposit.

Magrib went by uneventful, though i had both kids with me. But i was determined not to have Z with me during terawikh. Passed her to Abu M and he put her in the nursery. I don't want to be the one to leave her there, because I don't like to leave my kids to absolute strangers.

Anyway, so Musa stayed with me during terawikh. I let him play with the Iphone. Well, I rarely do!

At 10 we left to get some mosquito repellent. Went to PKNS but it was closed. So Abu M drove all the way to seksyen 18 to go to watson.

There were probably more people than usual on the 27th night, because people were practically sleeping side by side in the compound.

After rubbing the mosquito repellent in boths kids, we slept. Alhamdulillah no mozzies at all.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Memanfaatkan minyak kelapa dara

Link:
http://www.treelight.com/health/nutrition/CoconutOil.html

http://yvonnefong.blogspot.com/2011/12/virgin-coconut-oil.html

Last 4 days :(

Last 4 days of ramadhan :(
Wasn't it barely yesterday that we entered ramadhan, scurrying and hastening to jemaah terawikh prayer?

And now the month has left me far, far behind. What have i gained? What have i sent before me which will benefit me in my eternity? What have i changed? What have i improved? What mazmumah have i removed?

:(

Will i leave ramadhan not gaining anything from it?

Monday, August 13, 2012

Masjid cintaaa: iktikaf day 2 and 3

Malam ke 25. Hari isnin. Tiba sini untuk solat asar. Solat asar, magrib, isya' dan terawikh di tingkat 2. Heaven! Sebab tak ramai orang dan ada pintu tertutup. Harung semua beg ke atas.. Banyak beg tau. 7 beg dan lehab lagi. Zainab lagi. 7 beg??? Ye. 7 beg:

Beg baju saye
Beg baju anak
Beg makanan2
Beg "hiburan" anak2
Beg telekung
Beg tuala
Beg ntah apa2...

Berjaya tidokan Z dgn izinNya sblm isya', tp dapat terawikh sampai 6 rakaat je pasal Z kena kacau dengan budak lain sampai bangun dan menangis. Maknya pun nak menangis, huarggghhhhhh!!!!!

Lepas habiskan terawikh dan witir, turun bawah makan2 dengan M dan Abu M. Naik atas, pastu turun balik pasal lupa nak tukar pampers Z. Dah seronok2 main dgn Z sebelum tido... Tup2 muncul PAK GUARD. Huarggghhhhh!!!!!! Cepat capai tudung!!! Pak guard halau ke bawah. WHAT??? Kena harung semua ni ke bawah??? Call Abu M... Pass Zainab, harung semua ke bawah.

Nama pun tempat MUSLIMAT... Hmmmm kenapa Pak Guard yang datang dan bukan Mak Guard? :( Sedih sebab aurat tak terpelihara.

Bersambung...di bawah

Alkisah turun ke tingkat ground floor jam 12 lebih (tengah malam). Mana nak tido? Compound sudah penuh. Ada sedikit ruang di luar compound yg tertutup; saya decide nak baring di situ saja. Bad decision :( panas dan bernyamuk. Selepas M dan Z sudahpun tido, saya yang desperate tengok anak tergaru-garu, masuk dalam sikit ke compound. Di tepi tepi dinding compaund. At least untuk lari dari panas dan nyamuk. Alhamdulillah.

Jam 3 lebih, bermula balik "drama" hari kelmarin cuma bezanya Z tak bangun. Saya tetap cuba tido di situ. Sampai jam 4.30 saya decide untuk pergi mandi. Jam 5, setelah selesai mandi dan solat dua rakaat, saya keluar ke tempat makan. ERK! Makanan sudah habis licin! Dengan tenang saya call suami dan tanya mana nak amek makanan? Dia suruh saya amek makanan di bahagian atas. Saya naik atas... Fuhh line panjang tapi terus beratur.

Lepas habis makan masih berbaki masa, nak solat sunat, tapi Nisaak (kawan yang kebetulan sama2 iktikaf ) call. Zainab bangun katanya...

So pergi pada Z. Solat subuh berjemaah tapi tak masuk saf. Lepas tu Z tak nak tido dah sampai lepas rakaman tanyalah ustaz.. Tu pun tido sekejap. Better than nothing.

Siang, nothing special. Main2 dgn anak2, tidokan Z, mandikan anak2, kasi makan anak2, tido dgn Z. Cuma tak masak je sebab bukan di rumah. Kemas2 apa yg perlu. Up to terawikh, nothing special.

Masa terawikh, Z tarik kain telekung org sebelah dan alih2 kan sejadah orang. Habis 8 rakaat ada makcik datang sound, "minta maaf ya, dia kacau orang solat. Lain kali tak mahu macam ni ye".

DUSH! Terbakar! Habis tu makcik nak saya ikat dia kat tiang? Makcik nak saya solat kat rumah? Makcik nak saya buat apa? She's a freaking TODDLER!

Bersambung... Di bawah

Upset dengan apa yang berlaku, tak sambung solat. Tunggu Abu M, makan2, tidurkan Z, baru solat (jam11). Abu M cakap, makcik tu kalau tak nak kena ganggu anak kecik then dia patut solat di bawah. Makes sense actually!

Besok inshaallah plan nak balik lepas subuh utk basuh baju. Then inshaallah datang balik. Malam ni tidur di kawasan baru dalam compound... Ke dalam... Where i noticed takde orang letak lehab. I thought, maybe pasal tempat tu tak dekat kipas (panas) tapi alhamdulillah not so bad.

Ok, so that's all for night 25 and 26. But night 26 bersambung lagi sampai besok, day 26. Inshaallah

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Reaction to the homemade toy

I showed it to her first thing in the morning. Her reaction wasn't as zealous as I would like it to be but hey, it's okay :D

She seemed unsure what to do with it (as kids are with a new toy). She explored it first, as you can see. Then i unscrewed one of the caps for her and she tried to put it back on. She needs help to unscrew the caps as she hasn't learnt to hold the base down. Well, we'll see how this fares as a travelling toy next :D

Tazkirah pagi: Isnin 24 Ramadhan 1433

Saya bukanlah pakar; tapi saya ingin khabarkan kepadamu, bahawa yang di namakan "proses bersalin" itu sudah tersedia di ciptakan sebagai satu proses yang DI MUDAH KAN oleh Allah. Boleh di baca di bawah ciri-ciri nya. Tiada keraguan dalam hal ini:

1.Tisu-tisu/ligamen-ligamen/otot-otot sekeliling pelvis melonggar,

2.tulang kepala bayi bertangkup antara satu sama lain,

3.hormon "oxytocin" dan "endorphine" di rembeskan (hormon2 cinta dan kelegaan/gembira. Hormon asli kepada hormon sintetik morfin)

Nah, ini pasti antara sikit saja yang dapat ilmu manusia baru dapat gali dari hikmah dan rahmat Allah dalam penciptaan manusia.

Adakah anda masih ragu mengenai betapa mudahnya bersalin?

Adakah anda masih di takut-takutkan oleh persepsi negatif yang menyelubungi proses kelahiran?

Adakah anda masih di hantui oleh perkhabaran yang seksa dan ngeri mengenai melahirkan?

Kini tiba masanya untuk BUANG YANG NEGATIF DAN GELAP (jahil) ganti nya dengan yang POSITIF DAN BERCAHAYA (ilmu).

Bertenang dan bergembira dengan janji Pencipta mu! Lihat ayat dalam gambar di bawah:

(inshaallah entry ini akan bersambung )

Hey hey I saved the world today

Let the pictures tell the story! The making of the homemade toy. Hopefully tomorrow we'll have an entry as to Z's reaction to this homemade toy :D

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Masjid cinta: iktikaf day 1

Di masjid negeri /shah alam, pada malam ke 23. Kaum hawa sangat ramai. Compound untuk wanita di bahagian bawah sudah penuh, jadi ramai yang tidur di kawasan terbuka.. Termasuk saya dan anak-anak. Tiba di sini jam 12 lebih, Z sudah tidur. Tercari-cari spot untuk tidur... Pilih yg dekat dengan compound, hopefully "terlindung".

Macam-macam jenis orang yang beriktikaf, alhamdulillah. Semoga barokah dan terus islah diri dan orang lain. Ramai juga yang bawa anak... Kecil dan besar.. Masjid sedikit hangat, keadaan biasa bila ramai orang. Bercadang utk balik rumah besok lepas kuliah subuh, utk basuh baju dan lain2. Maybe datang balik lepas Z sudah tidur malam.

Sambungan:

Jam 3.30, telah bermula qiyamulail berjemaah. Z bangun dan terus segar bugar. Dia terus bangun dan ajak main kejar-kejar. Kejar dia sampai jam 4.45, pastu Abu Musa ambil alih jaga Z. Saya solat sunat bersendirian selama 15 minit, dan cuba cari Z dan Abu Musa sebab handphone Abu M habis bateri. Rasanya lebih kurang 15 minit jugak berpusing-pusing cari mereka. Akhirnya ternampak dari luar, Abu M dan Z di zon lelaki.

Alangkah susah nya kalau tak dapat berkomunikasi....masjid besar dan orang ramai. Makanan sahur di sediakan tapi mak mertua ada bekalkan makanan juga dan tak mahu membazir makanan. Jadi Abu M ambil makanan di kereta untuk saya.

Sudah habis makan, tunggu subuh dengan Z. Umpan dia duduk diam dengan biskut. Alhamdulillah dia tak merayap masa solat subuh. Lepas solat subuh, ada ucapan oleh Dato' Khalid Samad. Rupanya ada program ke... Patut lah ramai benau orang. Lepas tu ada Kuliah Subuh oleh Ustaz Azhar, tapi Abu M suruh tengok rakaman siaran langsung rancangan Tanyalah Ustaz, jadi masuk bilik seminar. Tajuk pagi tu, Alam barzakh.

Dalam 7.30.... Z "syahid" dalam dakapan. Mana tak nya, bangun jam 3.30 pagi!

Ummi pun dah sikit weng2 tapi kena balik rumah settlekan barang, mandi dan breakfast M dulu baru boleh zzZZ

Adakah akan ada lagi adventure iktikaf di masjid negeri bersama Z?

Entah le...

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

My First Jundy: Birth Story & Reflection


Introduction


Some people refer to children as Jundy (arabic for soldier) similiar to how Malays like to call sons 'hero' and daughters 'heroine' (though the female equivalent is less common). I don't know the origin of this cultural norm.

In a few hours, I will give birth to my first child. I had groomed my mind to accept, he will come anytime - even if prematurely. In my mind, I was 'always ready' for his birth. Like all first-time moms, I was nervous, but I also wanted to be prepared.

Today, on the morning of his fourth birth day, I recollect that momentous day.


Prelude


I had been getting calls from my mother in law and my own mother alike, asking me to admit myself into the hospital or even get induced. All praise to Allah for letting me learn about the unnecessity of being induced without a valid medical reason, and for nudging me towards the path of knowledge. Therefore, I wasn't all scared or jumpy when I had my birth show (mucous tinged with blood). But nevertheless their 'concern' was bugging me, and so was my Obgyn. She 'offered' me an (unnessary) induction; since "I" wanted (specifically) her to 'receive' my baby. (We will talk about this perception of Muslim spouses in another entry)

Her offer was especially so, I guess, since my baby was supposedly due a few days before Eidul Fitri.

This slowly built a tension in me; so i resorted to ways to 'naturally' induce him out. Lots of walking, pineapple juice, soaking in water mixed with 'kembang fatimah' (a kind of herb) and the works (you can google for more info)

On either Monday or Tuesday of that particular week, for some reason known only to my Obgyn, she felt that she should 'help' to start my labor by doing a stretch and sweep on me (opening the cervix manually with the fingers - OUCH). That night I think I had a spotting and cramps and was getting ready to birth the next day (but I went home anyway). I detained my hubby from going to work. However... Man's hands should NOT mess with the clockwork beauty of nature. It either has no effect or will cause damage to it. Alhamdulillah it did not cause any damage to me; the cramping died away and I did not go into labor. a few days later a nurse called to voice the Obgyn's concern; asking me to check myself into the hospital for fear that I may have one of those 'painless' labors.


The Day


Ramadhan was coming to an end. On a friday morning, I bid goodbye to my husband as he rode his bike to work. My bestfriend called to ask if she should come over to accompany me at home, but I declined, confidently assuming my birthing day was not that day. As I put the phone down and wanted to resume watching birthing videos on YouTube, I felt an unmissable internal 'pinch'.

I walked into the bedroom to check it out, and right there and then my membranes released itself with one huge gush! My first reaction: WOW. It was undeniably my membranes (read: waterbag). I went to make three phonecalls: my bestfriend, my hubby and the maternity ward. The person who answered the call from the maternity ward assured me that I have "hours to go". Right. It was 8am.

I lugged the pre-packed bags (and birth ball, laptop) into the car as I waited for my bestfriend to arrive and drive me to the hospital. The angel, may Allah bless her soul, arrived in about 10 minutes or less. As we were driving out of the residential area, hubby drove by on his bike just to say hello. Apparently he had already gone to register at the hospital before coming by to check us out. Jazakallahu khairan sweetheart for this very thoughtful gesture, really smooth!

Upon arrival, both of them lugged everything into the room. Midwife did one gentle vaginal examination and left us alone. My Obgyn, may Allah have mercy on her for her thoughtful gesture, respected my birth plan to labor without electonic fetal monitoring and frequent vaginal examinations.

Once settled into the room, having put on my chosen music (zikir), I focused on my surges which were starting to become intense. It was 9am by now. I leaned on a furniture, then changed to rocking slowly on my birth ball, holding hubby's hands. After every surge, I praised Allah for giving me relief. After a while, it was no longer comfortable for me to rock on the ball. I felt uncomfortable wearing clothes; I went into the shower and put on the water, waiting for it to warm up (it never did). I sat on the toilet so as to wait. Hubby was in the toilet with me.

It must have been then that I was bearing down. I started vocalizing really loud. I felt baby crowning but I was confused and unsure. Out of a sudden, my mother in law opened the toilet door and yelled for the midwife to come take me. The midwife wrapped me in hospital garb and sent me to the labor room on a wheelchair. I was feeling disappointed and pushed against my will, for I thought I had a long time to go before the second stage (birthing).


In the Labor Room
I climbed up on the bed in all fours position (trying to get my way), but the midwife softly told me I 'cannot' birth in this position. So I rolled over onto my back. What a havoc it was, as they tried to have me hold on the some rails, then they decided against it. Then they asked me to hold on to my thighs. Then suddenly as they peered at my baby crowning, my Obgyn asked the nurse to lower my bed. I was very disappointed.

At that point I was still vocalizing very loudly. My Obgyn spoke in a very stern voice, asking me to 'conserve' my energy by shutting my mouth, chin tucked in and 'push'. While the nurses loudly cheer on. I find the cheering very irritating.

Suddenly I heard a loud cry between my legs but I could not see him; my baby was out! He was?! They were not lying when they said his head was out? I couldn't believe it was all over!

But disappointingly, they allow a very short time for bonding, after which they whisk baby away for a bath and check up by paeditrician.

I recall been given a shot which I wasn't informed of, and this was VERY displeasing. All medication should be with informed consent. Unless in an utterly life-threatening situation.

But my dislike with mis-managed protocols in that hospital did not end there. That night the night-shift nurse INSISTED on taking my baby away to the nursery as opposed to rooming in by repeatedly telling me that MY MILK HAS NOT COME IN and that my baby will become HYPO because of it. Thus began my war with  EVIL MILK COMPANIES and all those who succumb to their monetary aim of spreading mis-information, deceit and lies.


Reflection...
Life is a struggle. As long as I am alive, I am to acquire knowledge and exercise patience, mercy and wit in order to face this struggle. Worldly life is bitter sweet.

Dear Musa,
I named you so for several reasons;
1. So that you may grow up to become just like the Prophet Musa, and battle against the Fir'aun of the akhir zaman
2. So that your father and I may be called Abu Musa and Ummi/Ummu Musa, both of which are reputable figures in Islamic History

Dear Musa,
 This is my journey, intertwined into yours. My record has been anything but perfect, with numerous mistakes and failures. And you, have been nothing but forgiving and loving. It is your nature as a small child to love and forgive me, the imperfect adult.

You are an amanah given to me, yet I often forget that.

Happy 4th Birthday, my little brown boy. Life with you has taught me so many things and I pray I will never stop learning and improving.

Yours,
*Your Birth Mom.



*Every motherly woman deserves to be treated and respected like a mother to Musa, within the limits Islam has set.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Solat sambil dukung bayi: sah atau tidak

Saya bukan ustazah. Ini sekadar kajian saya. Saya sekadar seorang ibu ber-anak kecil, dan saya mahu solat :)

Links:

http://drmaza.com/home/?p=1753

http://muis.ismaweb.net/2010/05/solat-sambil-dukung-anak/

Nota: Ingin saya ingatkan diri saya dan anda semua; kalau kita sempitkan benda yang luas (tapi bukan pula meremehkan atau memudah-mudahkan), akan terjadi pula kesan yang buruk. Contoh, wujudnya ibu-ibu yang TIDAK SOLAT akibat beralasan terlalu susah kerana menjaga anak kecil yang bernajis, etc.

Zaman dulu TIDAK ADA "pampers stay dry" pun Rasulullah s.a.w sudah pernah solat sambil dukung anak kecil.
So apa alasan kita?

Dan, solat antara ibadah yang paling "core". Solat tiang agama. Sedang sakit dan perang pun kena solat. Sedang musafir pun kena solat. Di berikan rukhsah dan tatacara nya. Islam ni kan sesuai untuk semua - hatta juga ibu-ibu ber-anak kecil. Jadi kenapa, kenapa kita mesti berkeras untuk menyempitkan perkara yang luas?

*kerana jahil?

Maybe!

Disclaimer: lihat di atas sekali. Saya bukan ustazah/ahli agama! Untuk kepastian sila rujuk pada ahli nya dan minta lah petunjuk Allah!

Peringatan buat diriku yang sering lupa

Setiap manusia ada kelemahan.
Setiap manusia ada kelemahan.
Diriku, suamiku, adik beradikku, ibuku, ayahku, dan lain- lain.

Setiap manusia ada kelemahan.
Dan ada kebaikan.

Tapi sekadar tanggungjawab aku, ialah menyikapi (ber-akhlak atau berinteraksi dengan) mereka, atas apa yang Allah suruh, seperti yang di tunjuk serta di nasihati oleh Rasulullah s.a.w dan yg mengikuti jalan baginda.

Aku manusia lemah. Jika aku gagal dan salah, aku mesti belajar meminta maaf. Aku mesti BANGKIT dan mahu berubah, no matter how fearful and demotivated I feel.

Setiap manusia ada kelemahan. Jangan sampai aku terlalu melihat kelemahan mereka, aku melupakan kebaikan yang ada pada mereka.

Aku bukan penghukum. Aku bukan pemberi keputusan. Pengetahuan aku terbatas sekadar apa yang aku nampak dan dengar. Masih banyak yang aku tak nampak dan tak dengar.

Siapa aku untuk mengatakan si polan dan si polan akan terjamin ke neraka (kerana satu akhlak buruknya) padahal aku menyikapi dia dengan buruk sekali; seolah olah dia adalah iblis? Padahal dia manusia.

Siapa aku? Siapa aku untuk menghukum sesiapa hanya kerana apa yang aku tahu dari agama ini, dan apa yang aku amalkan, PADAHAL adakah aku pasti amalanku sudah di terima tuhan? Dan aku pasti terjamin masik ke syurga?

Siapa aku?
Aku patut berdoa agar aku bertambah bermujahadah untuk sabar, rahmah, bersikap dan bertindak hikmah, dan berakhlak baik...

*fikir-fikir malam ni*

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Natural birth: Success vs Relief

I believe, a saying I once saw on facebook sums up the concept of natural and/or gentle and/or "islamy" birth very well. It goes something like this:

"I will not say it is going to be easy, I will say it is going to be worth it"

I feel that Success is different from Relief. This is because, sometimes Success is associated with the ability to "Conquer" or gain control over something, where as in Birth, YOU hand over ALL CONTROL to the primal instincts of your body- you quiet down all Noise; all desire to control your body and depend on human - to depend purely on The Creator.

Now, that may seem extreme to some, for some human (medical) assistance is "helpful". Yes, well, i will agree that it is. But THOSE offering medical assistance must also be in the right frame of mind. That they are there to offer assistance merely in a task which is already being done perfectly - laboring and birthing.

Their task is minute. They should not disturb the melody, the song, the hymn which is being sung.

Thus, as promised, after hardwork, comes double relief. (inna ma-al usri yusro)

I am human, I learn

Without learning,
Without some quiet time
To pause and reflect.

Without some silence
In my head
And around me
I will be
A foul puddle
Not a fragrant stream

I will learn as a creation;
I will learn as a daughter;
I will learn as a sister;
I will learn as a friend;
I will learn as a student;
I will learn as a relative;
I will learn as a wife;
I will learn as a mother;
I will learn and learn

I will learn as a human.
I must learn.

I will have quiet time in my mind
And around me

With only The Creator
Will i have conversations

Private, within.

I must learn.
Though mistakes will happen
But i must not fail
To dust myself up and try again
To not repeat the same mistakes
And so, learn.

Yours sincerely,
Human.

Mothers are: Mothers.

I've been feeling pretty sensitive about people talking about homemakers and homemaking moms ever since last two weeks someone commented that i just "duduk rumah je lah".

I feel so terhina. The statement as if suggests that i am inactive. And last night someone commented about how good a support group is for "homemaking moms"... So i tried to tell her, no, info about parenting or whatsoever about mommy-hood is good for MOMS. No need to classify them into 'what type' of mom. Obviously homemaking moms are somewhat linked to inactivity. WHAT?!

I have SO many things to do, eventhough i don't generate any income but my "pay" is great and it makes no difference between me and a mom who works in an office - she gets payment in monetary form for her services in the office and she gets a PAY for her 24/7 job as a mother. Just as you are always a full time muslim, having to submit to islam and Allah in every single thing you do, being a mother (parent and spouse), obliges a person to be just as commited to the role.

Anyway...

I'm just pissed at the notion of inactivity or unfruitfulness or uselessness of being a homemaker. *gawd* what such horrible thinking!

There is so much to do and so much to learn!

What an awful perception of homemaking mothers our people have been conditioned to have!