Kisah Seharian Jumaat 19 November 2010

Salam Alaikum My Dear Sisters...

It's 11.54pm and I am sitting laid-back with my legs outstretched in front of me (with lappy on top). I feel like I've had a very loooooong day. Suddenly tonight I feel like describing my day...

Impromptu trip to Pusat Bersalin Barakah

At about 9am at my PIL's (Parent-in-law), I thought of asking my hubby to bring forward my 5th month antenatal check-up to today instead of Wednesday night next week, because we're going to have quite a week next week since I'm going to that Hypnobirthing course for four days starting Monday next week. He agreed and we started packing, cleaning up the house and get Musa ready. I think we left the house at about 10.30am. I was feeling positive at that point (We were trying to reach Klang from Kajang before 1pm).

Traffic was smooth until we reached the Midvalley area. But I got anxious as we neared Klang, because my hubby decided to go through Shah Alam instead of use the Kesas Highway. This was our first time to Pusat Bersalin Barakah and eventhough we miraculously did NOT get lost finding our way there (Alhamdulillah), but we got there at approximately 12noon, exactly an hour before consultation hours ended.

I had my check-up with Dr.Khairiah (yes, the same one who appeared in Pa & Ma magazine, click here to read) and interviewed her a bit about the birthing routine/culture there. (I will write about it insyaAllah in another entry) We left Barakah at about 12.45noon, just in time to get home for my hubby to attend his Jumaat prayers at our neighbourhood mosque (Masjid Hidayah Seksyen 18).


Jumaat 19 November 2010: Noon-Evening

As hubby left for prayers, Musa and I headed to Cikgu Ram's taska...for lunch. I know, another "impromptu" event; I often feel guilty for manipulating her kindness in letting us eat lunch there. But I was hungry and had been hungry even before we reached Barakah and I couldn't wait anymore. I felt so grateful to find my old friend Cikgu Ram home (because her car wasn't there, and normally that means she isn't home) WITH a large bowl of ABC! ARGH! It was just PERFECT! It was hot outside and ABC was the perfect dessert on a hot day...

pic googled

Cikgu Yus was there too and I took the opportunity to ask her if she could help me to engage the help of her husband to get detailed info about certain verses of Surah Maryam from islamic scholars in Egypt, as he is going back next week to Al-Azhar to continue his studies.

(I think the reason I want to write is because I feel I have achieved a lot today? Maybe.)

Before she left for the day, I gave her a copy of the brief "Guide" I made of excerpts from books and articles to pass to her hubby so that he'd a clue of what I want him to help me with.

I ate a small bowl of fried rice for lunch (to quell my feeling of guilt for just barging in for lunch) and similarly gave Musa a small bowl as well. (I don't think he finished it anyway). I said my prayers there and returned home at around 2.00pm to fix my hubby some lunch but found out that he had already reheated some spagetti I made before the 'Eid holidays and had his lunch.

So I just put away some clean laundry (we did ours at my PIL's because our washing machine is still unfixed, it's been 2 months...) as my hubby printed some documents and got ready to go to UiTM for an errrand. He told me that he wants us to leave the house by 4pm because he wants to avoid the traffic jam...where were we going? We had planned to visit Sakinah & Aiman with their 20-day-old baby Dania Izzah at Setiawangsa.

Aiman & Sakinah on their Wedding Day

Beautiful Daania Izzah Bt Muhammad Aiman

So as he left for UiTM, I put Musa down for his siesta and did some work on my lappy. Work? I edited some stuff for my "book", tried to print some photos (failed), edited and printed our year-end and new-year budget sheet (to discuss with hubby). Hubby returned home at around 3.30pm and took a nap.

As I finished my 'work' on the lappy, I realized it was already 4pm and shuts it down and get ready to leave. But by the time I am all ready, it was nearly asar (around 4.20pm). I asked my groggy hubby if he wants to leave before of after asar, and after throwing a glance at the clock, he said, 'after'.


Visit to Setiawangsa: Wangsa Walk, Sakinah & Murni

So we drove to Setiawangsa at about 5pm, reached there around 6pm and decided to have an early dinner (I was a little hungry anyway). Hubby suggested going to 'Wangsa Walk' and I could not be more delighted (I has been craving for pizza and his usual palate is Malay 'warung' food)

pic googled

We had our early dinner at 'Canadian Pizza 2 for 1' near Wangsa Walk, strolled in Wangsa Walk for a gift for Aiman & Sakinah's new baby and headed for their house soon after. But then we realized that we were too early and stopped at Surau Al-Ittifaq nearby their house to say Isya' prayers but had to wait till the 'ceramah' was over.

So by the time we arrived at their house it was nearly 8.45pm or so but we were soon joined by a very pregnant Murni, her hubby Ustaz Ali and their toddler son Mukhlis.

For some reason, I felt very happy after our little visit: very contented, very ...couldn't find the right word. Satisfied? Fulfilled? Just plain happy? I felt different. I felt I had friends. Geez, my mom used to tell me that as a kid my no. 1 complaint was "I don't have any friends." Right now I don't know why I feel that way. No, not the feeling that I don't have friends, but feeling extra-ordinarily happy for meeting up with Murni & Sakinah.

Anyway...Musa had a GREAT time with Sakinah's youngest and very toddler-friendly brother Luqman as well as Mukhlis. Mukhlis and Musa practically wrestled with the 12 year old Luqman until Luqman was out of breath! Musa was so happy and I was so happy and hubby was happy too and I hope everybody else had a great time as well...

Baby Daania Izzah just melted our hearts with her cuteness and argh! Don't just new babies really smell and look great eventhough they're wrinkly and tiny? They're so great because they're wrinkly and tiny and so innocent and great and innocent and great and innocent....

Hehe. I'm pooped but happy, goodnite sisters! Assalamua'laikum!

p/s Kak Ida if you're reading this, I miss your company/presence and wish we could spend some time together like in a mabit or something kan best...;-)

Mencari 'Lunch Date' & Gentle Birth Talk @ Midvalley 28 Nov 2010

pic googled: ice cream & lunch, anyone?

1. Mencari Teman Makan (Kenalan SAHAJA!)

Saya rasa saya tak boleh makan ice cream sorang-sorang. Tak seronok. Tapi yang lebih pasti dari itu, kalau makan sorang-sorang, saya tak boleh makan. Makan terpaksa dan sorang-sorang ni tak sangat tak best bagi saya.

Saya mencari kawan-kawan muslimah kenalan saya siapa-siapa yang free untuk lunch date pada tarikh-tarikh berikut (lokasi: Centrepoint, Bandar Utama) November 22 (Isnin), Nov 23 (Selasa), dan Nov 25 (Khamis). InsyaAllah Nov 24 (Rabu) saya ada lunch date dgn AFL, bagi siapa yg mengenali beliau.


2. IKLAN: Gentle Birth Talk di Midvalley pada 28 Nov 2010

(Ini lah peluang kita belajar pasal cuba melahirkan tanpa medical dan drug intervention. You're not alone, jom kita belajar sama-sama! Siapa nak pergi, inform lah, insyaAllah saya juga hadir)

The Gentle Birthing Group has been honoured with the opportunity to present a talk at the Baby, Children's and Parents Expo at Midvalley Megamall on Sunday 28 November, from 11am! We will be talking about how a gentle birth is possible and what the Gentle Birthing Group's role is in supporting mothers and fathers in their childbirth and parenting journey.

What: Gentle Birthing Group talk on "Having a Gentle Birth: Is it Possible?"

When: Sunday 28 November 2010, from 11am

Where: Midvalley Megamall, top floor exhibition hall, in the seminar room

Cost: Free!!!

Just for Laughs: CakeWrecks.com

Mungkin ada sesetengah yang takkan faham kenapa cake2 ni kelakar, tapi cuba lah tengok....klik di sini

Panduan Posisi: Praktis Sepanjang Hamil & Waktu Melahirkan

Disclaimer: Sila Dapatkan Nasihat Doktor anda jika ada apa-apa keraguan. Saya tidak akan bertanggungjawab. Anda juga bertanggungjawab untuk buat research mengenai apa yang terbaik untuk anda, jangan sekadar tanya doktor yang sememangnya sibuk.

*Posisi-posisi yang baik untuk di amalkan untuk memudahkan bersalin.

(Untuk di praktis sepanjang kehamilan, terutama bulan2 terakhir dan waktu stage 1 iaitu dari mula kontraksi rahim)

*ada yg sudah ada dalam solat. Atau di lakukan setiap kali lepas solat & doa, jadi buat lima kali sehari cukup lah... =)

Antara nya:

• Tailor Sitting atau Duduk Bersila (untuk stretch / regangkan pelvic area dan perineum)
• Cat stretch, atau Dromedary Droop atau All-Fours position. (Untuk melegakan sakit belakang, boleh di tambah dengan sedikit 'rocking side to side' atau menggerakan punggung ke kiri dan kanan perlahan-lahan)
• Knee to Chest position atau Sujud

Contoh bergambar boleh di dapati di link-link berikut: (Sila klik)

1. Tailor Sitting & All Fours di blog Bloggerrama Mama
2. Knee to Chest di fotosearch
3. Cat Stretch (sahaja) di gettallernaturally.net

Pregnancy Diaries: I, powerless

pic googled. Kejayaan adalah pemberian dari Allah yang tidak memerlukan asbab atau kelayakan yang munasabah, kepada sesiapa tidak kira kafir atau muslim. Tapi sebab kejayaan itu di beri tentu berbeza-beza.

 Kerisauan Suami, Keyakinan Isteri?


Suami saya pernah mengungkapkan kerisauannya mengenai kehamilan saya yang kedua; dia takut saya terlalu yakin akan mendapat 'kejayaan' yang mudah kerana telah 'berjaya' kali pertama. Tapi adakah saya yakin? 100% yakin? Terlalu yakin?

Jawapan nya ialah tidak.

Saya tahu batasan saya sebagai manusia biasa. Saya sedar kejayaan adalah hanya dengan izin Allah, malah TANPA memerlukan asbab dari usaha manusia. Contoh?

Allah telah mengurniakan kepada Maryam Ibunda Nabi Isa, makanan dalam mihrab nya tanpa courier agency dan tanpa peti sejuk.

Ali Imran, Ayat [37]
Maka ia (Maryam yang dinazarkan oleh ibunya) diterima oleh Tuhannya dengan penerimaan yang baik, dan dibesarkannya dengan didikan yang baik, serta diserahkannya untuk dipelihara oleh Nabi Zakaria. Tiap-tiap kali Nabi Zakaria masuk untuk menemui Maryam di Mihrab, ia dapati rezeki (buah-buahanan yang luar biasa) di sisinya. Nabi Zakaria bertanya:” Wahai Maryam dari mana engkau dapati (buah-buahan) ini?” Maryam menjawab; “Ialah dari Allah, sesungguhnya Allah memberikan rezeki kepada sesiapa yang dikehendakiNya dengan tidak dikira”.

Allah mampu memberi kita sesuatu kejayaan tanpa usaha kita. Tapi kenapa Allah nak kita berusaha? Kerana berusaha adalah ketaatan kepada Nya. Kerana berusaha adalah ibadah kepada Nya. 

(Sumber keratan: Islam Berbicara Soal Anak, Tulisan Kariman Hamzah, Terbitan Gema Insani Press)

Manusia tetap lemah walaupun selepas berusaha


Saya tahu bahawa manusia lain juga, searif mana pun mereka dalam bidang kepakaran mereka, juga adalah manusia. Ilmu mereka terbatas sebagai ilmu manusia. Sedalam mana kita akan bergantung kepada ilmu manusia, kita akan tetap akur kepada ilmu Allah; dan sentiasa terpaksa akur kepada ketentuan Nya. 

In the end, as in the beginning of my attempt at success, I am powerless to resist His power, decision and knowledge and thus succumb to His mercy (at all times)


Oleh itu, saya tidak lah seyakin mana. Saya tetap risau. Risau akan keguguran janin, kelahiran pra matang, dan komplikasi kelahiran.


Tapi Allah memerintahkan kita merancang untuk kejayaan (berusaha). Dan menunjukkan contoh melalui Rasulullah s.a.w malahan figur-figur Qurani yang lain juga menunjukkan contoh merancang dan berusaha (ketaatan, beribadah, menurut perintah)


Contoh? Rasulullah s.a.w merancang strategi dakwah (covert, overt, dll), strategi peperangan (Khandak, dll), malahan strategi berkomunikasi dengan isteri! (siapa tidak tahu kisah romantis suap-menyuap untuk memberitahu isteri Rasulullah bahawa makanan itu terlebih rasa?) Dan strategi-strategi ini melibatkan berpayahan, persiapan, kreativiti, pembelajaran, latihan, dll.




Dan dalam usaha persiapan saya kali ini, saya telah menemui satu mutiara perjalanan: bahawa kehamilan adalah suatu proses yang humbling (merendahkan diri). Ya, saya tidak terfikir bahawa perasaan lemah dan kebergantungan yang besar pada Allah itu akan kembali "menyerang" diri saya. Kealpaan, keangkuhan, rasa bangga diri telah Allah kais dari tempat yang tidak layak ia diami (hati) dan titis kan dengan secubit rasa introspeksi dan reinvention (perbaikan/pengislahan).


Saya nak good. Bagaimana untuk saya raih good (success)?

Good attracts good. Itu Allah yang ajar! Di mana? Di sini:

Ar Rahman, Ayat [60]
Bukankah tidak ada balasan bagi amal yang baik – melainkan balasan yang baik juga?
I have forgotten that, in fact, I have let myself be infused with myself so much, that I might have even rejected it! No, I blatantly refused to believe in it. Why is it so hard to believe in...? Maybe because I, too, want instant results, instant relief, instant gratification. I, too, am impatient. Emotionally.

Oh indeed pregnancy is a humbling experience...

And attempting success is a humbling experience. Though not in all aspects, but I know it transcends differences. Physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual.





Kesimpulan


Oleh itu saya mesti belajar dan berusaha lagi. 

Success is not due to me, sister. Success is due upon the Creator. He rewards it to whom He wills, irrespective of reason (hardwork), in fact, irrespective of Iman. Many non-believers achieve success, eventhough they don't believe in Him per se.

Tamar @ Kurma sebagai alternatif kepada Pitocin atau Artificial Oxytocin

Masalah:

Dah 'overdue' atau lebih hari dari 'tarikh jangkaan lahir' (atau EDD) yang doctor kasi. (Manusia hanya boleh bersangka atas ilmu yg sangat terbatas beb)

Penyelesaian: 
(Antara nya) Makan buah tamar/kurma banyak2.

pic googled

Sebab:
Sumber: Islam Berbicara Soal Anak, Terbitan Gema Insani Press, Tulisan Kariman Hamzah
 

Tambah Ilmu:

Dari mukasurat 84, The Birth Book tulisan Dr. Sears & Isteri:

Di bawah bab 'Pitocin':
  

There is a time and place for everything. During natural labor your body produces oxytocin on an as-needed basis - the right dose at the right time.

Oxytocin is normally produced in spurts, and both the amount of oxytocin secreted and the sensitivity of the uterus to its effects increase during labor.

Artificial oxytocin - also known as a pit drip - is administered intravenously through an automatic infusion pump at a steady rate. Because the way the uterus receives its hormonal boost is unnatural, the contractions pit [pitocin] produces are different from the ones the body would produce on its own.

(Nota:
Oxytocin ialah Beg Bonia/Guess/Prada Asli - hormon yang di rembeskan secara asli untuk membantu kita melahirkan anak.

Pitocin pula ialah Beg Bonia/Guess/Prada Chow Kit - hormon tiruan yang di masukkan ke dalam badan kita untuk merangsang pengecutan rahim atau untuk menguatkan pengecutan rahim untuk melahirkan)



Soalan cepu cemas: Allah tahu ke kita tahu? Allah paling pandai ke kita pandai sebab pergi medical school? oh, minta maaf, saya hanya surirumah, bukan student medic. jangan panggil saya doktor.

Currently Reading: The Birth Book by William & Martha Sears

I bought my copy (with some help from friends working at Petronas Twin Towers) from Kinokuniya and am now very eagerly 'digesting' it.

Actually I can't wait to share the stuff I am learning from it, eventhough I have just started reading probably a mere 5% of the book.

Here are some quotations from the book, under 'Ten tips for a safe and satisfying birth"

1. "The process of exploring birth choices can be therapeutic. It compels you to examine yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, and your fears..." (page 10)

2. "Giving birth is the most powerful act you will ever perform, and it should leave you feeling good about yourself" (page 11, under 'Take responsibility for your birth choices')

I definitely have more to share from the book and will be doing so from time to time, insyaAllah.

Mommy's Study Notes: Discipline Part 1

Case 1: Never stopped opening the fridge since the first time he learnt to do so....This was A YEAR ago!

Case 2: Loves climbing, loves computers. This was when he was 12 months old!!

Allah made rules and systems because in compliance to it, there will be much benefit for us. Only Allah's rules and systems are perfect and flawless, but that doesn't mean that just because human-made rules and systems are subject to flaws, we need to defy them. I do agree some are faulty to the extent of being oppressive, but in we need to keep an open mind before deciding that one is so. When it comes to parenting, discipline is a type of set of rules or system that require consistent application.

Allah has a 'discipline' that His creatures whether flora or fauna adheres to without question; night changes into day, day changes into night. And with this change, His creatures adhere to the discipline He has set for each and everyone of them. It is for their own benefit.

We need, in fact thrive on somekind of discipline, or system, or norm, no matter how lax or strict or in between. Sometimes we go wayward into one direction, and pull ourselves back down the middle.

So I am a parent now, a mother. I have to discipline myself and learn up disciplines I don't already have in order to be a good Muslim; in order to reap the benefits from adhering the a discipline or disciplines.

Discipline to me, can only be positive, unless it is the negative type, which is either extremes: lax or too strict (almost unhuman). To me, this is always debatable, people can always tell you, "Let him be a kid" or "You're spoiling him." according to their own definition of something. In fact, I've had both said to me about how I parent/discipline Musa. So, am I spoiling him or am I too strict? I am neither: I try to be in-between or wasatiyyah. I try.

Let's review my notes (studying articles at babycenter.com):

Birth to 12 months: Parenting Tool: "Attachment Parenting"

I have put my foot down ever since the day he was born: I will touch, hold, hug, cradle, etc my child and no, I am not spoiling him. He's a baby. Is it wrong for him to want his mother? All babies, even animal young, want their mother. They are even capable of dying when separated from their mother, eventhough they are well looked after and well fed. That's how powerful a mother is to an infant (especially). It's just 12 months anyway, until he becomes a toddler, then we can start on the topic of not giving in to a child. The only 'disciplining' I did was to sleep-train him at the age of 6 months. I guess it is a type of disciplining. Besides that, I am with him for the other hours that he isn't asleep. I simply WILL NOT accept the saying, "Don't constantly hold him and respond to his cries" (Especially NOT on the day he was born!!!!! But except during sleep-training sessions)

6 months to 18 months: Parenting Tool: "Remove & Substitute"-somewhat

Ah, the phase of experimenting, discovering, learning, amazement (now that he is a toddler I have forgotten all about this. But I try to remind myself, he has just been alive for 2 years!) From 6 months to 18 months, it was 'easy' for me to be patient for I had a different perspective: I would not get angry when he did something inappropriate or defy what I said because I knew that he simply does not understand me. Hmm...does he understand me better at 24 months? I need to catch up on my reading about toddlers...

I never really removed and substituted anything I disliked him from doing, i.e when he didn't use his teething ring but gnawed my mobile phone instead, perhaps I tried to correct the situation but it would always end up the same. Well I guess at least I tried.

12 to 24 months: Parenting Tool: Teaching Responsibility For (wrong) Actions (by correcting it together)

I don't remember reading about this, but I guess from the training I used to get while working with Gymboree, I instinctively knew that in order for rules to be taught, we must do it together with them. Sort of show an example of what we require from them. Like, you seriously don't expect a 2-year-old to pick up his toys and put them back in the toy box? Right? Does it sound like common sense? And it doesn't matter sometimes how many times you've demonstrated this 'task' to him. He needs the repetition. Sigh. Tiring. Yeah. Well, C'est La Vie. Don't get married late or plan to have children later: you need to zest of youth to parent your child/children!


12 months and up: Parenting Tool: Highlighting Correct Actions (With Praise, Rewarding Behaviour i.e smile, hug, etc)

This is sometimes really hard to remember. You know, it's so much easier to detect something wrong sometimes than to celebrate a quiet, well-done moment. But it doesn't totally go without practice: sometimes we remember to praise his good behaviour or correct actions.

12 months to 8 years: Parenting Tool: Ask for his or her assistance

I think this makes a lot of sense. And yes, in fact when I don't ask for his assistance, he'd want to offer help anyway and end up in a tantrum or getting me into a tantrum. Sheesh. Gotta polish my mommy skills!! And get more creative in problem (or rather tantrum-)solving skills!

12 to 24 months: Parenting Tool: Learning to control anger

Is frustration or being upset for not getting what he wants the same as being angry? I guess it is, since tantrums are a result of not getting what they want and they get upset (disappointed, angry). How do I calm Musa down or let him calm down without giving in to what he wants? Because normally he will throw a huge tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants, and I mean REALLY huge (especially when he's tired, sleepy or restless, he doesn't compromise AT ALL). The advice says to let him calm down in the way he prefers (?) and then correct the situation (repair what was done or do what was not done). And sometimes, time is of the essence, if not patience as well...


12 to 24: Parenting Tool: Use Simple Phrases

Totally guilty. Of talking in adult language. When he does something wrong, say a statement of what he did or wants, i.e "You want chocolate". Then correct it, "No chocolate right until after dinner." Well, I'll try everthing and anything more than once!


12 to 24: Parenting Tool: Give in to a refusal a few times?!

It says that to get a 'yes', you have to give in to a 'no' a few times ("respect" it). Yeah.....I know how infuriating a refusal to do something is...but I guess I'll give this a shot! But again, most of the time, patience and time is running short. But then again, what's all the rush about? Do I need to go out and save a planet from a UFO invasion?? Time and patience...uhhh ummi...

Slow & Tender Songs...

Note: Sometimes all we need is a little tenderness. Allah is full of Tenderness.



The lyrics:

You with the sad eyes
don't be discouraged, oh I realize
it's hard to take courage in a world full of people
you can lose sight of it all
and the darkness inside you can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors, shining through
I see your true colors, and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show, your true colors
true colors, are beautiful, like a rainbow

Show me a smile then
don't be unhappy, can't remember when I last saw you laughing
if this world makes you crazy and you've taken all you can bear
you call me up because you know I'll be there



The lyrics:

You think I'd leave your side baby?
You know me better than that
You think I'd leave down when your down on your knees?
I wouldn't do that

I'll do you right when you're wrong

If only you could see into me

oh, when your cold
I'll be there to hold you tight to me
When your on the outside baby and you can't get in
I will show you, you're so much better than you know
When you're lost, when you're alone and you can't get back again
I will find you, darling, I'll bring you home

If you want to cry, I am here to dry your eyes
and in no time you'll be fine

Study! Study!

pic googled.

(What? You thought all mothers especially homemakers do is watch TV, cook, clean, chat with neighbours, and laze around? We're managers, and we're answerable to Allah for our 'subordinates'. So study I must. Yeah, I think so too, there should be a school/faculty/institute for this, i.e parenting, mothering. And Muslims should be the pioneer)

To study:
(Babycenter articles)

1) About discipline (birth to school age)

2) How not to spoil our kids

3) How to handle a 'spirited toddler' (I believe orang melayu suka label, "anak lasak". Btw, I don't believe in that. Children are meant to be children. If your kid is not 'lasak', then you have a turtle instead of a human child)

4) How to handle a defiant (read: 'degil', naughty, etc) pre-schooler

Kepada Seorang Kekasih: Surat Cinta

The doctor is not God, nor is medicine/drugs.

Dear a piece of my heart,

I am calling you 'a piece of my heart' because I don't know whether you know this, but you have a special place in my heart.

I am not writing this letter to applaud myself for my 'success'. And I am not writing this letter to make you feel any lesser as a woman, wife, mother, or servant of Allah. I am writing this because my 'success' made me feel great - not greater than other women, but it made me feel empowered. And I know that that's not all that one can derive from a 'success' such as that: there are especially important benefits that come from that success. Health benefits. Financial Benefits. Etc.

("success" = natural birth, labor pain management without drugs)

I believe you can do it. I believe you can manage the pain of labor without an epidural. I know you are that strong mentally. But you don't believe it. You just chose to believe that the pain will be too much for you, and with the resources that you have, you opted for an epidural.

You didn't disappoint me. You didn't fail. In a sense.

In another sense, you did fail. You failed to convince yourself that you can handle the pain.

When talking about the pain, sometimes I always feel that it's always adequate to stress that it's a positive pain. Nothing wrong is happening to your body. You need the pain. But I guess it is not enough.

You might ask me, what's so wrong about opting for epidural? It isn't forbidden (haram). True. It isn't.

But it carries with it some possible after-effects.

Yes, I am aware that not everybody suffers those after-effects such as passing out, needing a C-section, needing vacuum, needing forceps, back-pain. But there are those who do. 

I guess the point that I could not accept the most is how you attributed your post-pregnancy 'health' to epidural. I told you directly that I do not think your good health is attributed to taking an epidural. Because that is not what an epidural is meant for. You just think it is due to the epidural, you don't know for sure.

It is not a sin to take an epidural, let me say that again. But the experience of giving birth has so much more to give the birthing mother than just pain. So much more.

And it's such a great, empowering event.
You just need to believe in yourself and practice.
You just need to believe it and feel confident.  
You just need to be a little less scared of pain.
You just need to learn what is happening and try to take a little more control. You need to be more informed.

(Which reminds me, I feel a little hurt that just because I choose to be informed and make informed decisions, please don't call me 'Doctor'. You may call me that, however, if I ever get a Ph.D)

I think many people idolize the field of medicine too much, to the extent of looking at it as an absolute, having no other better alternative. Until they reach a dead end.

Many modern cultures and societies including ours have in fact discovered the limitations of the medical field. Even the celebrated West has turned to alternative medicine, traditional medicine, etc.

I just think we should and deserve to make informed decisions and we should not regard any field or profession in too high a praise or regard.

I know the decision for your first birthing experience has passed. I am just trying to convince you anyway, for your future experiences, and so that you don't go around giving people confidence that getting an epidural is just fine. Not at least before they learn that they can manage the pain in other ways.

I love you.

You didn't fail me. You didn't fail as a woman, wife, mother, or servant of Allah. I just want to share with you, what a great, miraculous, empowering event, labor is.