Soothing Relief

pic googled: Turning to Allah is a soothing balm for (any) pain in our soul

 (Note: This entry is especially dedicated to me: myself)

Ummi Musa: There is no better remedy and relief to a pain or illness, be it physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, than seeking sunnah ways to improve my/our relationship with Allah.

The ways are natural, easy and familiar; a path into open, loving, welcoming 'arms'. I/We just need to walk ourselves through it. Man may bother me/us; Allah relieves my/our pain, and rewards my/our patience, my/our behaviour,  and for my/our turning to Him. Now, if only I can remember this always :-/

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost and That you're so alone
All you is see is night And darkness all around
You feel so helpless, You can’t see which way to go
Don’t despair and never lose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Insha Allah
Insha Allah
Insha Allah
Insya Allah you’ll find your way

Everytime you commit one more mistake

You feel you can’t repent And that its way too late
You’re so confused, wrong decisions you have made
Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame
Don’t despair and never lose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Insha Allah
Insha Allah
Insha Allah
Insya Allah you’ll find your way


Turn to Allah, He’s never far away
Put your trust in Him, Raise your hands and pray

O Ya Allah, Guide my steps don’t let me go astray

You’re the only one who could show me the way,
Show me the way

Insyaallah
Insya Allah
Insya Allah
Insya Allah we’ll find the way

Pregnancy Diary: An insult to mankind

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Bismillahirrahman nirrahim

I am a person who is somewhat easily affected by stuck-up, unfriendly behaviour. Saying so, I can therefore very easily become a loyal patron to any shop with attendants who greet me with amiable smiles. This time around (for my second pregnancy), I have become extra sensitive to stuck-up, unfriendly officers/attendants as well as those who are amiable.

As I am reading the chapter on the pros and cons of medical interventions in a guide for birthing, the sub-chapter on episiotomy makes me recall my very first interview with an obgyn. I will never forget her and the way she treated me. 

Tonight, it just occurred to me, that her behaviour did not just insult my intelligence, but also lowered her own self-worth to a low level: pride does just that. It does one no good to feel you tower above others for who you are and what you have or learned; feeling and behaving so just diminishes the person to a mere despicable person; an insult to others and an insult to the very essence of being human. Because humans are noble.

I would like to say that doctors are more likely prone to this behaviour, especially those labelled ‘specialists’, but it is unfair and unjust to say so. Anyone is prone to it. Sometimes we find that people of no position or authority may also be diseased with it for the reason of suffering from inferiority complex; needing something or anything to feel greater and better than other people.

What exactly happened? Two years ago, pregnant with my first child, armed with a little reading about alternatives to medical interventions and an inquisitive mind, I ‘interviewed’ a potential care-provider about the necessity of an episiotomy. Her answer, and her tone of voice left me silent for a long time after our meeting:

“You would prefer for me to let you tear up to your anus? What in the world gave you the idea that you can avoid an episiotomy? Just because you read some stuff on the internet doesn’t mean anything at all. Stuff on the internet can sway you in whatever direction the website is advocating. Who went to medical school? You or me?”

But I am the type of person, who prefer to give people chances. Similarly when I walk up into a store and I am not greeted at all nor am I attended to, I give the attendants second chances by approaching them instead and making enquiries. So in this obgyn’s case, I proceeded to ask her about what is normally practiced when labor is not progressing, i.e the birthing mother is not dilating well? Her answer and her tone of voice affected me again.

“How am I supposed to know? You are not in labor now!”

Sometimes I can get quite relentless in giving people chances. I like to be given chances and I therefore, like to give people numerous chances. 

“Does this hospital accept birth plans?”

“What’s a birth plan?”

“Look, choosing me to be your doctor, you have to give me full POWER to make decisions.”

Trust, doctor. Not power. You, and other people like you whether they are doctors or not, are a disgrace to humankind. You, are not an expert about the birthing body. Allah is. You should not act and speak so arrogantly as if you are extremely well versed about the birthing woman’s body and thus the birthing woman is a total nimcompoop who needs to surrender herself to you.

Even practitioners who have been in the field longer like Dr. Sears and his wife sound very modest and down-to-earth in their writing, always being careful to say when something is open to change. Oh, please. Especially in the medical field? Especially in the medical field, how could you not realize it and humble yourself to Allah and man, when what is ‘truth’ and ‘fact’ and ‘safe’ today can change in a blink of an eye by means of study, research, and discovery? I.e exposure of x-rays to the unborn foetus. 

Ugh! Man(kind) and their need to feel superior!

Pregnancy Diary: Reminiscing second pregnancy's 1st trimester

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Bismillahhirrahmannirrahim

This time around, it is my first time with a child to look after. The first pregnancy was a surprise (though highly awaited) but so is this one; a complete surprise. During the first trimester of my first pregnancy, I was working at a Day Care. Eventhough for the first three months I didn’t eat the ‘staple food’ (rice), but I ate and rested during children’s naptimes. 

However, by my second pregnancy, I am already a working at home mom. I remember periods of utter fatigue, not being able to rise from bed. It is funny how men seem to ridicule it (women’s behaviour during pregnancy); no wonder they need to be told by the Prophet s.a.w to honour their mother three times, and to be responsible for and gentle to women: men simply have no idea how hard the female body works. This can be easily curbed by explaining the science of it; if they care to listen.

There were days in certain months which I felt so fatigued that I sent my firstborn to day care; much to my hubby’s confusion. He was confused because he simply could not understand how fatigued could I get from being a wahm? It was not housechores; it was my internal organs working like mad to engineer another perfect human being. Subhanallah. Praise be to Allah Who created, designed, engineered, the very complex and astounding system of the female body: inside and outside. 

My second pregnancy began to become more ‘bearable’ around my fifth month, especially since my migraine attacks were less severe. But by my fifth month of gestation, I started to feel bulky and heavy and started to wonder, if I already FEEL bulky and heavy NOW (notwithstanding if I LOOK pregnant or not), how will I feel in my final months?

And now here I am, in my seventh, looking down at the bulge under me and thinking: that’s ALL baby, not even one inch of me. Onlookers still do not notice my bump, especially when I am sitting down, and sometimes not even when I am standing up! But I, notice and feel my bump very much, thank you.

Sometimes I feel that I am less prepared for my second birthing experience than I was for my first. Though I have more information now, but I have less time to practice. I am a person who treasure ‘quiet’ times, and even as a mother of one (boy, pre-schooler) quiet times to fill with practice is hard to come by. Especially since quiet times are mostly filled with simply sleep and rest. :D

But I want to be prepared; birthing has not yet become a mere passing event to me, and I want each birthing event to be special. To be especially calm and an event by which use as a beacon to become closer, more aware and more thankful to my Creator. Not a mere pain to be endured. No, I don’t want my birthing event to be merely that. Birthing is not an everyday activity to a woman, and I want mine to be special and meaningful.

Free Verse: Absence of Zaujah

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Sometimes it’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

And I wish your fondness for me is rooted in your belief in Allah,

And thus it would change you, because you love Allah,

Thus you want to be an obedient and pleasing servant.

Seeking His pleasure by being a good husband.

Because Allah loves good husbands.

Sometimes it’s true that absence and distance is good,

It lets me press pause. Review. Rearrange. Refresh.

Something you are yet to understand.

But it is something I need.

I need to take a breather. To sit back.

To clear my head. To readjust, reprogram. I wish Allah will make you understand, because I can’t.

I want my love for you to always be rooted in my belief in Allah.

I want to do things as a wife, because I love Allah,

Thus I want it to be, that I am doing this, to please Allah, and to please you,

If it pleases both. Because Allah loves good wives.

I am a forgetful and hasty, impatient and angry human. I frequently forget to trust in Allah.

Forget to be patient. Refuse to be patient. I choose to be frustrated.

And I need time, to sit back, press pause, review, and choose to be patient.

To be good, obedient, and a wife to you, whom Allah is pleased with.

It is a daily, conscious decision and choice that needs to be remembered. And I often forget.

They say absence is good, sometimes.    

04.01.2011

Refreshed by weddings

It's been five years, going to be six.
It's been,
Various 'car problems', financial problems, inter-relationship problems,
communication problems, et cetera
but what is life without problems?

Like I said yesterday, c'est la vie
Though being only human, I will forget that.
And will need to be reminded.

Amidst all the smiles, pain, laughter, hurt, joy, disappointment, success, failure...

Unlike their 30 years, we have only been through five, but I will still try

-to be continued

Gender Bias & The Mukmin (And Mukminah)

Salam alaik,

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When I was studying in Faculty of Education under the TESL program, sexism, gender bias and subordination of women was frequently made an issue. We were required to read all sorts of literature (journals, novels, poems, short stories, plays, etc) as well as films (the scarlet letter, provoked, etc) under the theme. And most of the time, I was trying to relate it to English and teaching; why are we 'provoked' or 'conditioned' to believe in the horrible prejudice called gender bias? So I spent most of my time trying to convince my friends otherwise; that its' existance is due only to an individual's or a groups of people's resistance to Islam: because what Islam teaches is against gender bias and this is proven through the personality and practice of the Prophet (saw) and those who follow him.

Yet a person who calls himself or herself Muslim does not necessarily follow the Prophet (saw). This is due to many factors, such as temptations, environment, pressure, education, upbringing, etc.

Recently I have started to feel disappointed with people who call themselves da'ie or du'at yet do not realize that they are infected by gender bias, something which is against what the Prophet teaches.

The comment that I heard went something like this:

"Women like to become lecturers because they have so much free time. That free time should by right be devoted to research, knowledge, etc, but they use that time to pick up their children from school and the works."

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First of all, in today's society, there is so much pressure for women, wives, mothers, daughters, grandmothers, aunts, nieces, etc to break their backs working. Yet at the same time, they are still expected to fulfil 'traditional' roles* like cooking, cleaning, child-rearing, etc.

(Some say that these forcing women or to subjugate them into merely fulfilling these traditional roles without giving her equal opportunity to break their backs working, is gender bias. Islam, on the other hand, holds a moderate view on this. But it will not be discussed here)

I feel that such a Muslim man to comment in such a way means that he is confused, ignorant and ingrateful. Confused over women's roles (to be devoted to work or her family?), ignorant about the real issue of gender bias and subjugation of women (women are forced, pressured to work to help provide for the family) and ingrateful to mothers everywhere for their devotion to their family despite that their backs are breaking, assisting their husbands in providing for the family.

Wake up Mukmins! Wake up from the disillusioning darkness of ignorance and walk towards the light of knowledge....

Mommy's Study Assignment

Salam.

Didn't quite finish the previous study assignment (gasp!) and already adding a new one...

Articles to read about traveling with Musa:


Road trip survival guide

Family travel guide (age 2 to 4) before, road, air, after

Making errands fun, i.e trip to grocery store/ mall