Tell the Truth

Be truthful and consistent when offering rewards and cautioning with punishments

(This hadeeth quoted here is not in verbatim form)

Rasulullah -shallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam said when there was a mother who asked her child to come by saying there's dates for her child: are you really going to give her? the mother answered yes. and He said: you better, if not you are lying. (Hadeeth Abu Dawud, Shahih Al Albani)

Kekasih Yang Jauh

(The language of my 'core' is English. Allah understands me just fine. Allahu Akbar.)

And sometimes in my attempt to speak 100% Malay, I tend to use very formal words and end up feeling embarassed for having done so. @_@

Well, here goes an attempt to translate my own work. Original english masterpiece is at this link.

satu petang di bulan januari

"Kekasih Yang Jauh"

Kejauhan kadang-kala membajai kerinduan;
Dan harapanku ialah cintamu padaku berdiri dalam cintamu kepada Allah:
Oleh itu cintamu kepada Nya akan merubah dirimu kepada cahaya kebaikan, kerana,
Kerana kamu cinta kan Allah!
Kerana kamu mahu patuh kepada Nya dan mahu redha Nya,
Kamu mengejar redha Nya dengan usaha menjadi suami yang baik,
Kerana Allah suka pada suami yang baik.

Ketiadaan dan kejauhan,
adalah baik.
Ia bagai perhentian rehat dan rawat.
(untuk diriku) Meneliti, membaiki, memperbaharui.
Perhentian yang belum dapat di fahami (oleh dirimu)
menjadi keperluanku.

Dalam kesibukan dan kepantasan, malahan dalam titik titik perlahan berjalan nya kehidupan,
aku yang merasa tersepit perlu terbang mencari ruang
ruang menghela sebuah nafas
ruang memandang dari kejauhan
ruang sebuah usaha pembaikan,
penggantian,
peringatan,
penjernihan,
pembetulan.
(untuk diri ku)
Aku berharap pada Allah agar kau di beri kefahaman.
Kerana aku gagal memberi nya pada mu.

Aku ingin cintaku kepadamu berdiri dalam cinta ku kepada Allah.
Engkau adalah pemberian Allah kepada aku.
Aku mahu berbuat sebagai isteri, kerana aku cinta kan Allah.
alangkah baiknya jika percutian atau perhentian aku ini,
mendapat redha Allah dan redha mu.

Kerana Allah suka pada isteri yang baik.

Siapa diriku?
Aku seorang yang pelupa, tergesa-gesa, kurang sabar, dan pemarah,
Aku sering lupa untuk percaya pada janji-janji Allah, malahan mungkin tidak mahu percaya!
Lupa untuk sabar, tidak mahu bersabar!
Dengan itu memilih untuk kecewa!
Itu lah peranan ruang itu: Ruang rawat dan rehat
agar aku akan kembali PILIH untuk bersabar
dan pilih untuk percaya pada janji-janji Allah,
bahawa Allah tidak akan mensia-siakan kesabaranku dan pilihan ku.
Untuk menjadi isteri yang Allah redhai.

Pilihan itu ialah sebuah pilihan yang patut aku buat setiap kali dan setiap hari aku berbuat (sesuatu)
dan aku sering lupa.

***

Terjemahan & penambahan di buat pada Jun 2011
Karya asal dalam bahasa inggeris pada Januari 2011 (link)

The Muslim School: Parents

Excerpt taken from: 

http://umuka.blogspot.com/search/label/child%20discipline
The word discipline means to teach and not to punish, sadly parents confuse the two terms giving discipline a negative connotation. Discipline teaches children how to behave sensibly and responsibly. It is a mistaken belief that the only way to discipline children is to punish them.

***

Special Reminders for myself:

10. Reward and Praise.
Reward, awards or any form of recognition coupled with praise is a very powerful way of promoting good behaviour and character. We see this recurring theme in the Qur’an. Allah describes the rewards of Jannah and praises those who do well in this world. Rewards such as, stickers, walks to the park and a chance to cook with mom in the kitchen etc. are great incentives.

Also, reminding them about the greater reward, they will get from Allah SWT. It’s important to constantly attach their hearts to Allah. Do not praise too much, its best to praise them for a specific thing they have done. For example, “May Allah rewards you for helping mommy with the dishes this evening”.


9. Turn your dont's to dos.
Reframe your discipline vocabulary. For example, instead of saying, “Bilaal stop jumping on the sofa”, say, “It will be a good idea if you sat on the sofa, Bilaal”. In this way, you’re telling your child what to do instead of constantly telling him what not to do. Moms focus on what you want your child to do and not on things you do not want them to do.

5. Do not label your child.
Separate the child from the act let the child know that you are not upset with them but with the bad behaviour. Only use punishment for serious misbehaviour. Otherwise, it could lead to fear and the child becoming rebellious. It’s crucial that your child knows that you still love them no matter what; now mommy is just not happy with their behaviour.

4. Consistently keep to your consequences.
One key to positive discipline is to follow through with consequences for misbehaviour. One of the best ways to deter your child from acting up is to show her you mean business when it comes to consequences – if she thinks you’re a soft touch or pushover she won’t have any incentive to stick to the boundaries you set.


3. Avoid getting emotional.
Stay in control and act with logic. Then, your words will start earning respect. For instance, when my kids start a car fight, I use to yell, threaten and scream out of anger. Then I learnt one thing, I tell them I will pull the car over and we will continue our journey when they stop. When they realise you mean it they will stop. It will take a few attempts but it works as long as you remain consistent and firm. . You will be showing your kids that you mean what you say and you say what you mean.

1. Discipline wisely.
“When disciplining, don’t talk, act!” —Nick Wiltz,
Imagine telling your child he has 5 minutes to brush his teeth and get to bed. 10 minutes later, you call out, “Are you in bed yet?” Your child answers from the bathroom, “Almost!” 10 minutes later, you call out again, “Are you in bed yet?” Again, your child answers, “Almost!” 10 minutes later you call out, “Are you in bed yet?” For the third time his answer is, “Almost!” You start yelling, “If you don’t get in bed right now, I’ll come in there and spank you.” Within a flash, your child is in bed. What just happened?

Like Nick said, “Don’t talk, act!” Your child knows you won’t act until you’ve nagged 3 times. You follow through immediately when you want your child to do something, saying once and tell them the corresponding consequence.

Invasion of The Newborns

"Remember, a newborn will take over your life."

Taken from: http://www.babycenter.com.au/preconception/ref/readyforanother/#ixzz1PW30Ubi6

What a sentence. Sounds like somekind of invasion, hehe! Now, if only dads (and other adults) will try to understand. (some do)

I have this fist and am not afraid to use it! Har har har!

On-going research about delaying reading skills

I am now interested on the topic of delaying the process of teaching children reading skills; so far I only have two resources:

http://azurahanuar.my/tidak-boleh-ajar-anak-sebelum-usia-7-tahun/

http://rewireyourbrainforlove.com/why-early-reading-is-bad-for-your-child-early-brain-development/

Am looking for more!

What is 'attachment'?

 Attachment from psychology today

"The emotional bond that typically forms between infant and caregiver, usually a parent, not only stimulates brain growth but affects personality development and lifelong ability to form stable relationships. Neuroscientists now believe that attachment is such a primal need that there are networks of neurons in the brain dedicated to it, and the process of forming lasting bonds is powered in part by the hormone oxytocin."

Medical Doctor Sarah Buckley on Birthing (Giving Birth)

Dr Sarah Buckley. pic from http://www.medicalveritas.com/expertauthors.html

"Four major hormonal systems are active during labor and birth. These involve oxytocin, the hormone of love; endorphins, hormones of pleasure and transcendence; epinephrine and norepinephrine, hormones of excitement; and prolactin, the mothering hormone. These systems are common to all mammals and originate in our mammalian or middle brain, also known as the limbic system. For birth to proceed optimally, this part of the brain must take precedence over the neocortex, or rational brain. This shift can be helped by an atmosphere of quiet and privacy, with, for example, dim lighting and little conversation, and no expectation of rationality from the laboring woman. Under such conditions a woman intuitively will choose the movements, sounds, breathing, and positions that will birth her baby most easily. This is her genetic and hormonal blueprint."

excerpt taken from:
http://www.motherandchildhealth.com/Prenatal/sarah/hormones.html

Gelap/Darkness/Ignorance Vs Terang/Light/Knowledge

taken from http://www.yankodesign.com/2008/12/09/a-knobby-light/

Pregnant women show an amazing lack of knowledge about childbirth options, study shows

Don't plead ignorance. Don't plead weakness of faith. That's why knowledge empowers, it gives confidence, strength, honour even.

Be responsible. Allah did not give you a mind for you to waste on junk food for your mind. What is junk food for your mind? That which bears no real IMPORTANCE, most of which are gossips, scandals, lies, etc. Don't have time to learn? Time & Tide waits for no man. Nak seribu daya, tak nak seribu dalih.

Firman Allah S.W.T yang bermaksud,  “Katakanlah: Adakah sama orang yang berilmu dengan orang yang tidak berilmu”. (Az-Zumar: 9)

How to get more comfortable during Braxton Hicks

 

 

This excerpt is actually about contractions, but it is always good to practice with Braxton Hicks:

 

from page 131 under the chapter: Why birth hurts - Why it doesn't have to:

 

"...I learned that simply letting my uterus 'hang out' by releasing all of my abdominal muscles as a contraction started made a big difference in how it felt. When ...I BRACED for a contraction, pulling in my abdominals, I was hurting and miserable...Letting go lessened the pain considerably and it also sent a message back to my brain that I didn't have to be afraid....."

 

from THE BIRTH BOOK, by william and martha sears, available from kinokuniya KLCC for rm58.50

Flowers are red, leaves are green, yes?

pic taken from: http://flowersfreepictures.blogspot.com/2009/04/red-flowers.html

Have you ever felt that (by a certain action of yours) you are inhibiting your child's creativity and imagination and exploration of the world?

For example, one day as I was doing some coloring with my 2 year old (he will be 3 one month and a half), he wanted to colour the flowers green. I told him that the flowers are pink in colour (there was a small example of the flower in the same page) but I checked myself: what's so wrong about making them green? I have seen (real) green flowers before, and anyway there is nothing wrong if you like your flowers green.

That's just one example. He's only two years old. There's lots of things he doesn't know the consequence of, or in fact, the 'limit' of. Men who thought steel can never 'fly' never attempted such a 'crazy' idea; and today we have airplanes. What are your thoughts on this, mothers and fathers? How do we guide this unlimited creativity and imagination?

Q & A for SAHMS (Surirumah)

pic googled

The Questions And Answers

(Questions taken from an article titled 10 things never to say to a stay-at-home-mom)
(Answers reposted from Birth Without Fear - link to her facebook profile)

Q. When the kids are older, do you think you'll get a real job?

A. No, when my kids are older I'll finally be semi-retired. My job won't end until the day I die.

Q. How June Cleaver of you!
A. My name is January, please don't compare me to others.

Q. Oh, so you don't work?
A. I work 24/7 with no pay or vacation. You wouldn't last 3 days at my job.

Q. Since you have extra time on your hands, could you whip up a few dozen brownies for the bake sale tomorrow?
A. Actually, I could use some brownies. Since you have enough time to ask me and assume you know so much, can you whip up some dinner for my family? That way I can nurse the baby in peace just once today? Thanks! So thoughtful of you.

Q. All day with your kids? I can't even imagine.
A. Really? Well it's better than being around you all day...I like them...can't say the same for you anymore. Ya, it's hard, but they are awesome.

Q. I'm jealous. I wish my husband were rich so I wouldn't have to work either.
A. What impression did I give you that we are rich. You have no idea the sacrifices we make for me to be home. Think before speak.

Q. What do you do all day, anyway?
A. Raise my children to not be idiots to offset all the ones there already are...hint hint.

Q. I'm sure you're not the only one who's ever wasted money on a college degree.
A. Apparently education and common sense don't come from a college degree. Thanks for proving that.

Q. That explains why your son is so clingy!
A. That explains why my son freakin' adores me so much!

Q. Weird. I assumed your house would be superclean.
A. Weird, I thought you were just leaving.

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2011/05/31/hearstmagfamily5277360.DTL#ixzz1P1oaDau9

Solat sambil dukung anak

picture from Ummu Muhammad's blog

It was Zainab's child! :-)

Hadis Nabi shallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam solat sambil mendukung cucunya itu: Hadis ini diriwayatkan dengan jalan periwayatan yang banyak. Antara lafaz yang ada: 'Nabi shallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam bersolat sambil mendukung Umamah anak kepada Zainab bint Rasulullah shallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam dan Abu al-'Ash bin ar-Rabi' bin Abd Syams. Apabila Baginda shallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam bersujud, Baginda akan meletakkannya, dan apabila Baginda bangun, Baginda mendukungnya semula.' (diriwayatkan oleh al-Bukhari dan Muslim)

A simple, yet essential communication skill : Validation

To validate someone's feelings is first to accept someone's feelings. Next, it is to understand them, and finally it is to nurture them.

To validate is to acknowledge and accept one's unique identity and individuality.

Invalidation, on the other hand, is to reject, ignore, or judge their feelings, and hence, their individual identity.

When we validate someone, we allow them to safely share their feelings and thoughts. We are reassuring them that it is okay to have the feelings they have. We are demonstrating that we will still accept them after they have shared their feelings. We let them know that we respect their perception of things at that moment. We help them feel heard, acknowledged, understood and accepted.

Sometimes validation entails listening, sometimes it is a nod or a sign of agreement or understanding, sometimes it can be a hug or a gentle touch. Sometimes it means being patient when the other person is not ready to talk.
…
Validation allows a person to release their feelings in a healthy, safe and supportive way. It also helps us get to know them better. Thus it builds bonds of caring, support, acceptance, understanding and trust. When a person is feeling down, these bonds are sometimes all that another person needs to begin to feel better and solve their own problems.
…
By validating someone we demonstrate that we care and that their feelings matter to us-- in other words, that they matter to us. By "mirroring" someone's feelings, we show them that we are in tune with them. We feel connected with them and they feel connected with us.

taken from: http://eqi.org/valid.htm

How language and the media is (mis)used as tools for propaganda

"Chomsky, Solomom, Ackerman, and many others. Even the Jews are speaking out against the Israeli occupation of Palestine" - The late Yasmin Ahmad


reposted from the late yasmin ahmad's blog

Favourite Excerpts : Addiction to BIRTHING!

excerpt 1


Of course, women who need medical intervention should have the best that can be provided; intervention saves lives. But some 75-80 per cent of births should go as smoothly as nature intended. 

The problem is that just a fraction of the number of women who don’t have a medical requirement for intervention are getting to the finish line without being subjected to meddling from midwives and doctors. 

Meddling that supersedes a woman’s own desires and instincts, and impairs her body’s ability to cope as it is designed to do. 

Under normal conditions, a woman is best left to be her own director, behaving in an instinctive and uninhibited way. Only when that is allowed to happen will she get the rush of Mother Nature’s feel-good cocktail: a hormone boost designed specifically to flood her body with exactly what it needs — not just to get her through every stage of labour, but to ensure that she won’t find the process so physically and mentally difficult that she never does it again.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1393248/The-birth-junkies-An-agonising-ordeal-No-says-maternity-expert-NICOLE-CROFT-giving-birth-natural-high-powerful-leave-mothers-addicted.html#ixzz1OKW33xEN

excerpt 2

We were designed for this, and we deserve to be rewarded with the natural high that obstetrician and mother of four home-birth children, Dr Sarah Buckley, describes as Mother Nature’s ‘pat on the back’.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1393248/The-birth-junkies-An-agonising-ordeal-No-says-maternity-expert-NICOLE-CROFT-giving-birth-natural-high-powerful-leave-mothers-addicted.html#ixzz1OKWKUDk6

excerpt 3

if you mention oxytocin to most women who have given birth in a UK hospital, they will think of it as a drug, administered by drip, to speed along her contractions.In fact, in its natural form, it is the ‘love hormone’ — the same one that floods our brains during orgasm, and is also boosted by cuddling, breastfeeding and other positive, loving experiences. 

We produce it naturally in massive quantities during labour and birth, and its effects cannot be artificially replicated. 

This wonderful stuff reduces fear, increases trust and promotes a sense of connectedness with those around you. There is nothing like it for making a woman feel that everything is in her control and that everyone is on her side.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1393248/The-birth-junkies-An-agonising-ordeal-No-says-maternity-expert-NICOLE-CROFT-giving-birth-natural-high-powerful-leave-mothers-addicted.html#ixzz1OKWZMq2e

excerpt 4

It is also what gives a new mother that ‘loved-up’ feeling after the birth, helping any memories of pain or anxiety to fade almost immediately. 

It is a primal reaction that when our adrenaline levels rise, labour halts, because our brain is telling our body that it’s not safe to proceed. By counteracting fear, oxytocin keeps adrenaline levels in check, which ensures that labour progresses steadily. 

What’s more, as a pheromone, oxytocin is contagious, transmitted through the air and picked up by the nose. Studies have shown that when a father attends the birth of his child, his oxytocin levels rise as well, making him part of the love-in and — importantly — more ready to connect with his child

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1393248/The-birth-junkies-An-agonising-ordeal-No-says-maternity-expert-NICOLE-CROFT-giving-birth-natural-high-powerful-leave-mothers-addicted.html#ixzz1OKWsVTDl


excerpt 5

Endorphins are 500 times stronger than morphine. They improve your mood and, most incredibly, have amnesiac qualities, which is why as birth progresses, a woman should feel increasingly ‘away with the fairies’.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1393248/The-birth-junkies-An-agonising-ordeal-No-says-maternity-expert-NICOLE-CROFT-giving-birth-natural-high-powerful-leave-mothers-addicted.html#ixzz1OKX5MPex

excerpt 6

After a totally natural birth, it is often very difficult to remember the specifics of it, and that’s the way it should be. 

It’s also why a lot of women will often say that — much to their surprise — the earlier part of their labour was more difficult than the later parts, when they were much more ‘out of it’ and more flooded with endorphins. 

And it’s the reason why inductions are generally harder to cope with, because they artificially accelerate the labour process, hitting the mother with back-to-back contractions, before the body has had time to produce sufficient quantities of hormones and natural pain relief.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1393248/The-birth-junkies-An-agonising-ordeal-No-says-maternity-expert-NICOLE-CROFT-giving-birth-natural-high-powerful-leave-mothers-addicted.html#ixzz1OKXNAyoa

excerpt 7

Perhaps I sound crazy, perhaps I sound high, but I have seen enough births to know that no one knows better than Mother Nature.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1393248/The-birth-junkies-An-agonising-ordeal-No-says-maternity-expert-NICOLE-CROFT-giving-birth-natural-high-powerful-leave-mothers-addicted.html#ixzz1OKXdH7RU

my note: NO ONE KNOWS BETTER THAN ALLAH WHO CREATED AND DESIGNED THE FEMALE BODY.