Last Night Here

What a melancholic title, at least for me it seems like that. As if I am talking about my last night alive.

Sometimes I have days like that. Days that I wake up and feel just fine, not overly happy, but nor somewhat melancholic. Tonight, insyaAllah will be our last night at the hospital, after a full week. In a very weird way, at first I felt that I didn't want to leave. I guess living without 1001 responsibilities to fulfill sometimes misleads you. Like a short holiday.

But insyaAllah, tomorrow I'm going back, to embrace my normal life again........

Mood: Rather Melancholic.

TV: Bila jadi negatif pada anakku!

 pic googled: TV hanya lah 'alat'. Alat takde yang negatif or positif. Manusia yg guna kan alat secara positif atau negatif.

For a few weeks now, we noticed that they were consistently following one of the reality programs shown on TV. We were somewhat shocked, but didn't give much attention to their behaviour except a little disgust at the program itself.

But when my little 22-month-old Musa started imitating people singing (holding a microphone and singing away), that was too much for us.

(pic googled: Musa in the future??? TIDAKKKKK!!!!!! Langkah mayat aku dulu.....!)

pic googled: Kalau Musa jadi macam ni, baru lah saya redho. Tapi Musa takkan jadi macam ni kalau selalu terdedah pada konsert2 syaithoni di TV! So saya akan pastikan dia takkan di 'didik' oleh program2 itu!!

I'm a Nurse for a week or two

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Salam,
I am two days away from a week's stay at the hospital. No...I wasn't admitted. I'm here to accompany my mom. She got in for food poisoning but is detained for something that showed up in her ECG.

While I'm here, the most obvious thing about myself is that I get to catch up a lot on my reading and blogging. Not much to say about that, just would like to hear from other SAHM/s or WAHM/s who are writers on how they manage their time and 'part-time job' (writing).

(Because I am not much talented in anything else nor am I passionate in anything else except reading and writing)

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Suze Orman: Financial Suicide

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I caught Oprah on Sunday on June 27th and was mouth-gaping surprised with the show featuring Suze Orman. Especially with her statements like this about money: Most of us today are living a LIE because we are buying things we cannot afford. Some keywords that were particularly obvious in living a LIE:

Lavish lifestyle

Lavish Car

Lavish unnecessary treatments (expensive manicures and pedicures)

Peer Pressure (into spending lavishly)

Most surprisingly was her statement that once we are able to come to terms with our desires and controlling them, we have succeeded to choose honesty over deceit.

I am not surprised that such powerful words are used because it is a serious subject that involve serious aspects and consequences, no matter how trivial they may seem.

It would not seem trivial anymore if we are properly informed on how our financial choices (or our unbridled desires) are 'programmed' into us for the purpose of making certain parties RICH. (The topic on enslavement by debt is very briefly discussed here)

Synopsis and comments for The Arrivals : Episode 4

Synopsis:
The episode starts with a clip labeled “Revelation 13” (anyone who knows where this is obtained from, please enlighten me). After which, the producers related this clip to the design of the British ‘Royal Coat of Arms’. The symbol is then explained by a voice-over, as to its relevance to the state of Israel and the Antichrist.

Next, it presents the companies, products and places that use it as a symbol, which includes a clip taken with a camera-phone. Then, the quote “veni, vidi, vici” is somewhat related to another occult symbol (skull and bones) and to who and what it represents. The producers went on to the question of just how popular those symbols are today without offering the answer as to what is their relevance to the former quote or symbol.

The next question posed is: who are those who are in control of (various) industries? Though some of the previous material may be a little ambiguous, the next one is very important: the pyramid or plan that explains how society is categorized in order to be controlled. To break free from the system, those equipped with purchasing power is suggested to rethink “which corporation they finance”. An example is given and explained.

This episode ends with a “brief introduction” to just how “powerful” the Zionist and the Illuminati have made themselves through leaders and corporations. The awareness about one’s purchasing power and how they manipulate it to their benefit is only slightly emphasized before the episode is concluded.


Comments:
The fact that needs to be understood by viewers is that the evil behind what the producers try to unravel and explain is not something new and haphazardly planned. It dates back to the very moment man was created and repeated significantly in the stories of the prophets.

But religion has been downplayed so that those stories and the reminders that come from God are not given much importance, attention or priority in life. Religion is just a hobby, which some people are into, while some are not. The evil behind what the producers try to unravel are in fact, very “religious”. They couldn’t have carefully carried out their well-planned plan if they weren’t so.

This is why the series and its contents, information, clips, images and ‘exposures’ may seem like utter nonsense to many. Because without firm faith, one will have nothing to fall back on. But in this case, they do. They will fall for everything and anything except religion. And this benefits the people who planned this scheme.

In this episode, the narrator explains how the symbol of the British ‘Royal Coat of Arms’ has Hebrew/Biblical origins relevant to the Antichrist, instead of more Godly themes and characters, such as the roaring lion taken from this Biblical verse:“Your adversary the Devil, as a roaring Lion walketh about, seeking whom he may devour” (Peter 5:8)

This episode includes a clip taken with the camera-phone, which would seem highly amateurish to some, but I believe that the message is more important.This episode also presents the ‘system’ of control:

1. “The eye”. Representing the Antichrist or Al-Masih Al-Dajjal (The False Messiah)
2. World monarch
3. Crown council of 13 (world’s riches, most powerful families)
4. Committee of 300 (world’s riches, most powerful sub-families)
5. Think tanks.
6. World financial control by means of controlling bodies such as IMF, Central Banks, Tax revenue, interest revenue, etc.
7. World resource control by means of controlling corporations such as NYSE, Exxon, AT & T, etc.
8. World population control by means of controlling Governments, Religious Bodies, the media.
9. Debt slaves.

This is the first episode which introduces one of the solutions to break free from their system; for those with purchasing power to channel their money elsewhere (than to those directly or indirectly connected to the illuminati and Zionists).

The producers chose to highlight one key company: Starbucks.

Most of these companies will deny the association while their local franchisees will claim that boycotting them means to deprive our own local people of work. These bodies will also claim to have done much charity, supporting and promoting peace and goodwill. This will cause doubt, confusion but worse of all; the continuous concealment of the truth.

People who are ‘busy’ have no time to search for the truth. So what happens to this situation?People just go on with their lives. Not knowing what is true and what is not. But it becomes worse if they go on with their lives in a state of being deceived, of being told lies as the truth. And never making time and allowance to clear away the confusion and obscurity.

Who wins in this situation?

In this world that we live in, though no human is ‘complete evil’ or ‘complete good’, but there is one complete evil. And there is no good side to him at all.The one who seems to be winning in this situation is the liar, who obscures lies and evil and entraps or deceives others into becoming their obedient slaves: slaves cannot exist without being dependent on the master.

“There is no compulsion in religion. The right direction is henceforth distinct from error. And he who rejects false deities (Thogut) and believes in Allah hath grasped a firm handhold which will never break. Allah is Hearer, Knower.” Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 256

In this call to re-think and re-channel our money to bodies other than those which contribute to Israel, more attention-worthy is the call to understand how we have been fashioned into doing so and why have we been made to become supporters of Israel. This information is very important for all to know; what is so important about that specific geographic location? The answer could not be obtained unless we are willing to truly acknowledge the stories presented to us in Holy Scriptures.

A society needs control or more accurately rules and regulations in order to function, but what viewers must understand is the evil plan and oppression behind this particular control system. How bad has been made to look and be accepted as good. How oppression is conditioned into our minds as being a natural part of life. What bad? What evil? What oppression? My point exactly.

To be continued.

Malaysia: Muslim Mothers living with Lovers

(For a similar article in Malay, please click here. Malay article is by a different author.)
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The Mind living on Junk Food

Two days ago I wrote an analysis about an incident in which a mother-daughter couple who were caught offering haram services and claiming that they use the money for good purposes, one of which is to supply food for masjid (link)

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For point number 3 and 4, I listed the root causes (real problem) of the incident as being a dangerous degree of ignorance and disease: the mind, spirit and soul being empty and/or denied the 'food' it deserves.

It should be described in such a simple, obvious manner because of its close resemblance to effects of daily and consistent consumption of only junk food: the health both your physical body and 'spiritual body' will start to deteriorate. The problem is, we could easily identify the illness of an unhealthy body, but rarely are we able to do the same attribution when it comes to the spirit or intellect (except in extreme cases such as serial murders, etc)

"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey, but we are spiritual beings on a human journey", so goes the saying which bears much truth in it. Sadly enough though, how many mothers, fathers, teachers, doctors, lawyers, etc are living by this concept and reminding others to live life accordingly?

Mothers, for example, would scold their children for having a poor diet of junk food, empty calories, excessive sugary snacks and drinks, etc. But how many mothers could identify that their own mind or their children's minds are 'living' on 'junk food'? And thus suffering from "illnesses" caused by their "poor diet"?

 

I am choosing to highlight this after two similar cases that have surfaced recently in the news: the case of Syafiyah Humairah (February 2010) and a more recent one (June 2010: link to newspaper report).

Besides the similarity in both cases being the children gets abused (sexually or otherwise), the other similarity is that the mothers (including her children, etc) are living with their lovers.

Often in news and articles, writers and religious figures are condemning the 'young and wild', often unmarried young muslim adults who succumb to drinking, illegal sex (zina), etc. Personally, especially since becoming a parent myself, I feel that mothers and fathers who are bad examples themselves are even worse harbingers of immorality in society because they are very influential figures of authority to their children.

Having said that, I must say that by 'harbingers of immorality' I did not merely mean the obvious 'immoral behaviour' such as drinking, womanizing, gambling, etc. Those habits are the presenting problem, if not the result of a much dire and substantial ill-health of the mind, spirit and/or soul.

We need a guideline to use to identify the presenting problems, as the symptoms of an ill mind. It is the causes of an "ill" mind that must be dealt with, since it leads to various behavioural problems, in turn affecting individuals, families, societies, economies, industries, nations, countries.

For example, the inability to control oneself (against getting involved with something in an excessive way) is attributed to weak will power. Perhaps not many are able to see the connection between will power and the spirit, the human soul. The spirit, unaided or aided very little or refused to be aided by knowledge, thus succumbing to fulfilling its' desires, no holds barred.

Sometimes news about maksiat does not surprise me very much, but the recent trend in the news reports being mothers living with their lovers, along with their children and even parent is somewhat highly shocking. To what extent has our fear of or obstinacy and arrogance towards Allah or ignorance has gone to, that more and more people are committing obvious sins in front of their children without an inch of guilt?

What kind of family, entertainment, education system, etc brought up such an individual?

Besides other factors like secularism in pedagogy and colonization, an individual's 'spiritual diet' ("healthy" or otherwise) contributes to the indifference towards what is considered illegal and prohibited by Allah.

Are they able to tell between what is right and what is wrong, and what are the factors that contribute to their clear guideline?

Does their spiritual diet consists of 'empty calories', 'excessive sugar and fat', junk food or, does it consists of the right balance of everything it needs?

Are they able to control their desires and make it submit itself to the guidelines?

What aids them in being able to control their desires better?

These, I feel, are the very basic questions that we need to answer and work hard on, to be part of the solution.

InshaAllah...

Starting slow, but starting nonetheless, with attempts to enlighten people to avoid either being consumers or contributors to 'junk food' of the mind, perhaps starting by slowly and patiently initially tapping into their minds with details of the Majesty of Allah, then very gradually moving on to revealing the "Furqan" to enable them to tell between 'junk food and a healthy diet' for their mind, soul and spirit. (Please refer to Mustafa Masyhur's 7 tahapan dakwah fardhiyyah).

The furqan being, very simple principles as they have been explained by Allah and His Prophet s.a.w (through the Qur'an and Hadiths), such as satisfying one's desires with no limitations at all, partaking in what Allah has prohibited, partaking in activities with no substantial benefit, partaking in gray areas which causes doubt and guilt, and many more.

Getting Married or Staying Married: 10 Marital Problems you must know

Ahead of time: There's something worth to know ahead of time so that you can be better prepared (inshaAllah) by planning them early into the marriage.

(Edited from the original: Top 10 Marital Problems at askmen.com)

1. 'Boredom'.
Some couples might scoff at this, while some a quiet in agreement. If you're unsure, perhaps you can't read the signs or it really isn't there. Whatever it is, boredom is a marital problem. Personally, being a servant of Allah means that you understand that this deceptively long but short worldly life is meant to be spent in obedience  to Allah and in duty to spread La ilaha illal Lah. But as humans, it is still natural to feel bored sometimes when you are doing a routine chore everyday, so be sure to try new halal things for you and your spouse to try together. A new experience, something new to talk about, a new restaurant, hobby, even trying something (halal and) new in bed. The possibilities are endless.

2. Financial Problems
You don't have to have money or own property to fight about it, true? Lack of it, which includes all kinds of debts (past, necessary, etc), as well as who does the paying (debts, bills, etc) are factors concerning money that might lead to disputes. Solution? Plan a way to manage money; and good use of books that offer practical guidelines.

3. The house!
Something that was never quite a problem before, might very much become a major problem now- buying/renting/agreeing on a house! The location, the cost, the monthly payments, the furnishing, the maintenance: are all potential problems when it is not dealt with properly.

4.  The in-laws
Of both; accepting people for who they are has never been easy. Need I say more?

5. Infertility
Of either. Stressful especially in cultures when it is only normal for people (and in-laws, and then some) to ask or to pester on when are you having a baby. Becomes even more stressful with every year gone by. Though there's a lot of things to try to reverse it, but along the way both partners should offer loads of moral support to face the challenges of living with infertility.

6. Different Parenting philosophies
Both parents have to somewhat 'meet' in the middle somewhere if they have different parenting philosophies because squabbling in front of the kids isn't a good idea when you're trying to teach them something.

7. No-no to kids!
And I don't mean baby goats. Haven't heard of this for a long while, and in fact in Malaysia this might be rare, but there are men and women who might not want to have offspring for some reason(s). The advice given was to calculate the consequences of putting it off (not canceling it out totally), which is, being very old when your kid is just growing up.

8. One or both is unfit and fat!
Solution: Exercise together or help the other with whatever problems that result in unsightly weight gain. Do more than JUST pass a remark.

9. 50-50 on house chores!
Gone are the days of the model housewife who settles EVERYTHING in the house. The 'notion' of it is still there, but naw, I'm sorry, it doesn't really comply to Islamic law, even. Though it needn't necessarily be 50-50, but a clear, agreed-upon division of house chores is a definite need to aid a successful relationship.

10. The frequency of...
Notice that this is mentioned last, surprisingly from a list coming from a website for men. Yes, the frequency of sex. Eliminate the problems causing the problem of infrequency and ta-da! More sex! (If only it was as easy as that)

A new lullaby for Musa

Chorus: (For full lyrics, click here)

The blue sky is blue like blue bubble gum
but it prays to Allah, it prays to Allah
and like the colour of the blue sky and the bubble gum won’t last,
so we’ve got to thank Allah before our chances go past.

Poetry, Music and the human voice: Silent Sunlight Remake

Tip Persediaan Melahirkan: Melawat Labour Room & Berkenalan dengan staff wad bersalin

example of delivery room: source of picture

Get to know the people who will attend to the birthing process. Source of pic (same)

Salam alaikum,

Anda tidak lah memerlukan banyak masa untuk melakukan tip ini, satu hari, ataupun setengah hari, malah 15 minit pun cukup untuk menghilangkan rasa gemuruh di hati (yang biasa nya kita rasa apabila di letak dalam keadaan yang luar dari kebiasaan bersama orang2 yang kita tidak kenal).

InsyaAllah, selain dari menghakis sedikit ketakutan dan gemuruh, lantas ia juga membina keyakinan dan menyenangkan dan mendamaikan perasaan, kerana kita sudah melihat tempat melahirkan dan berkenalan dengan orang2 yang walapun tidak begitu rapat dengan kita, akan menemani dan membantu kita pada saat yang sangat genting dan bermakna dalam hidup kita: melahirkan anak kita!

Oleh itu, buat lah permintaan pada doktor anda dan minta lah agar dia respect permintaan anda untuk membuat lawatan ke bilik melahirkan, wad bersalin, dan ambil lah peluang ini untuk bertegur sapa atau setidak tidak nya tahu nama atau kenal muka staff di wad berkenaan.

InsyaAllah, bila secara mental kita sudah semakin selesa, ia akan membantu perjuangan kita agar lebih berkeyakinan dan bersedia untuk melahirkan secara alami/ natural dan normal.

10 ways to become irresistible to me, your wife

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(I have no particular soft spot for Pierce Brosnan, I in fact, do not find him or James Bond irresistible)

Something I found and edited from askmen.com

Most important of all, not being able to achieve all is not true success, but attempt and achieving slow and steady success is better and more promising in making it last longer and permanent change, insyaAllah.
10 ways to become irresistible to me, your wife
(originally titled, Top 10 ways to be irresistible to women) 
 

1.Be romantic. 
Not just 30 or 60 minutes before sexual intimacy.And no, buying chocolates and flowers does not make you a romantic.It's....hard to describe, sigh. It's just the little things, a little bit here and there, small but very meaningful, to show that you care and is careful, protecting me because you love me.

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2. Give me the right kind of attention.
Again, does not really involve BUYING anything, that's now what really matters. What matters to me is that you thought of me. You know, like a giddy school boy crazy for a girl. Saying that you thought of me or sincerely tell me something about me that you noticed (and like) or wants to compliment, without any hidden intentions or pretensions.

3. Be confident
Show an unstaunching fear in what you believe in. Not conceit or arrogance! Standing up for me, or yourself, and for what is right. Assertive, but not brash, conceited or showing off.


4. Be adventurous. Responsibly, of course.
I guess it's one of those macho guy thingies that women like to watch. Hurm, not if it takes you away from me, not all the time or when I need you to need me. Remember how irresistible you were to me when you were cutting the long grass along the sides of the house? I guess it goes back to the age-old rule; a show of love by fulfilling heroic duties and sacrifices. Nothing wrong with that as long as it is subordinate to one's love to Allah and they are done in obedience to Allah.

pic googled

5. Be unpredictable.
Hurm...not exactly my type, but if you're unpredictable in a good way, that's nice. The original article says that the unknown aspects about a guy makes him even more desirable, i.e, he doesn't call you. Makes a woman think about him. Well...maybe.

6. Be thoughtful.
Compliments, gifts (big or small, cheap or not, all get the same score: ONE) Thoughtful, thankful, grateful. Telling me that what I've done is a lot for you, that I'm enough for you and you are appreciative of me and my deeds so far. Not somekind of payment, but just a sign of validation. Read John Gray's book, the mars venus series. Women like to be of service, they are made that way, but they are not vending machines. There's a catch: they're human. Humans like to be appreciated, which does not necessarily make them insincere. Little things goes a long way rather than one big thing once in a blue moon- even Allah likes frequent good deeds, even if small in quantity.

7. Demonstrate (proportional) Dominance.
Not aggressive, pushy or rude. But steadfast or strong action to get what you want. Hold my hand and confidently guide me with correct guidance. Ar-rijalu qowwamuna alan-nisa'. Allah has already shown you how to be sexy and irresistible, but you might have missed the point.

8. Show some class.
Something like the cool confidence and suave personality of James Bond. The rest of you can just make sure you look somewhat presentable, like having shoes and belts that match! Open and hold doors for me. A total win for me (door thingy). Makes you seem caring. For me, I would choose to say that, rather than James Bond, the ultimate cool, confident, suave, 'classy' man is RASULULLAH. I am SURE the prophet was not frumpy-looking or was a person who didn't care about how he looked or presented himself. Unlike James Bond, I am sure the prophet was a charming personality but NOT a womanizer. A person whose company is welcomed and preferred, whose personality is like that because he is deliberately behaving in such a way: full of grace, composure, 'class', etc (without being boring, pretentious, proud or ostentatious). He is deliberately behaving that way, being careful between two extremes, for only one purpose: for the pleasure of ALLAH. (This is the point where Rasulullah and James Bond is different)

9. Sound Smart.
A definite turn-on. Nothing like old-school knowledge. Never nerdy. Knowledge, education, and cleverness is sexy. Totally. : -D I guess that's why Allah made it obligatory for Muslim men & women to acquire knowledge!

10. Make me laugh. 
Make ME laugh, ok, not yourself. Don't make me the joke!! Again, refer to Rasulullah's way of being humorous. He doesn't hurt anyone's feelings in being jovial, nor does he need to be cynical, sarcastic, and the likes.


Most important of all, not being able to achieve all is not true success, but attempt and achieving slow and steady success is better and more promising in making it last longer and permanent change, insyaAllah.

Happy trying!

Cubaan Rasuah Allah: Jahil atau Sombong?

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Dalam sebuah artikel bertarikh 23 June 2010, mymetro melaporkan dua anak beranak perempuan di berkas oleh JAIS selepas mendapat aduan bahawa mereka terlibat dengan kegiatan yang kurang sihat. Mereka menawarkan khidmat urut ghairah dan seks.

'Yang menarik' pada laporan ini ialah apabila di berkas, mereka mengatakan bahawa duit hasil 'kerjaya' mereka itu di gunakan pada aktiviti yang baik, seperti menjamu jemaah di masjid. (Baca artikel tersebut di link ini)

Saya pasti ramai yang terkejut dan mengutuk perbuatan mereka yang pertama dan kedua, iaitu membuat kerja haram, dan menggunakan wang itu ke arah yang baik untuk 'menyucikan' wang tersebut atau dosa-dosa mereka.

Ini pula respon saya:

1) Kita patut muhasabah kerana ini kemungkinan adalah antara akibat lelaki muslim tidak menjaga kebajikan saudara perempuan mereka sehingga apabila 'di desak' kesempitan hidup, mereka terpaksa buat kerja haram.

2) Realiti kesempitan hidup yang sangat-sangat dasyat dan 'mendesak' wanita berbuat apa saja demi sesuap nasi ("keperluan" berhutang, pendidikan pun kena berhutang, dan lain2 keperluan samada asas atau tidak asas kebanyakkan kena berhutang. Dan kebanyakan keperluan samada benar2 perlu atau tidak, SANGAT MAHAL atau MAHAL)---di tambah dgn RIBA' atau "bunga" hutang.

3) Kejahilan minda dan ketandusan ruh/jiwa yang tak kurang dasyat nya kerana di lalaikan secara extreme dan ganas tanpa belas kasihan dengan hiburan dan tidak di isi dengan makanan ruhi/ruhani. (tahu kah anda, industri hiburan menjana wang yg sangat byk bagi banyak pihak?)

4) Nafsu pula yang di goda dengan dahsyat agar mahukan pelbagai barang tanpa kegunaan nya atau keperluan nya di pandu atau di kawal oleh iman dan syari'at.

5) Pendakwah2 yang 'terlalu suci' atau 'terlalu memilih mad'u' (orang yang di dakwahi), contoh nya, hanya mahu mendakwahi golongan2 profesional, atau pelajar2 IPT atau pelajar2 sekolah agama, atas alasan, mereka ini yang akan turun padang berdakwah kepada masyarakat, padahal mereka ini akan hanya jadi juga seperti guru2 mereka. Lantas jadi lah pendakwah2 ini penghukum, pengkritik yg sekadar kritik dan hukum 'masyarakat yg di buai nafsu' (dan macam2 lagi label2 buruk bagi "masyarakat umum yg jahil") tetapi tidak mahu mendekati dan bersusah payah mendakwahi masyarakat umum.

Sekadar 2 sen saya. Saya pun bukan lah hebat sgt. Hari ni saya menegur. Awk dpt tazkirah, bsk awk menegur, saya dpt tazkirah. Jom saling mendoakan! Peace!

I used to be a niqabi

Salam,
I used to be a niqabi. And for a day a few weeks ago, after 5 years of not having worn it, I wore it again. Just for a day.

I was a niqabi for only a year. It was a wonderful experience. It brought me the peace of mind and humility I wanted to grow in me. It was also 'funny' in some ways, to see how people reacted to it. No, it was extremely adorable to see how children reacted to it, and quite sweet to see how some adults reacted to it. Somehow, it was actually disappointing to see how some of my fellow muslims reacted to it, and somehow, it was rather pleasantly surprising how amiable was the reaction(s) of some non-muslims towards it. They were cool.

Sometimes, I wish I could be a niqabi again. For me, when I was a niqabi, I had to force myself become better and more strict upon myself, because a piece of cloth across my face represented my religion in a stark, obvious manner, in a more emphasized way than just donning the hijab. Though I know this is untrue, but when it comes to people's perceptions, dressing style does count.

Nobody enforced the niqab on me, and nor did I don it to join any 'club' whatsoever. This was the same for the wearing of the hijab for me. I was not under the influence of anyone but my own.

My reason for wearing it was purely personal; actually for some time I had been yearning to wear it, but my family would not let me. When I couldn't suppress the feeling much longer, I made a nazar (somekind of promise to Allah, a special request for something; and when Allah fulfills our request, we would fulfill our promise) and so I became a niqabi.

Will I become a niqabi again someday? It is my dream.