Looking at the sky makes me want to cry coz do I ever try to fly high enough to reach You?

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Reflection: UC

Assalamua'laikum my sister,
I was caught off guard when you asked me to become your doula. Never did it cross my mind that you would.

Actually what I find most bizarre is the fact that two years ago, it was the exact opposite. But you never replied my email. Now i'm unsure you ever received it. Perhaps you really didn't.

But so it is; I was thinking of who I would like to be with me during my chosen path through birth; and you came to mind.

And today; here you are.

Sometimes I think about my decision over and over again. I wanted to believe; or I believed, but as everyone else tends to feel, I too felt a certain unease. I tried to make it as "medically safe" as I could. I tried to make my UC a non-UC. But in the end it was a UC.

Tonight I try to think again; why did I choose such a road, what seemed most motivating? I can only recall desperation to feel respected. And fear. Fear of the result of being disappointed. And vulnerability. So these three emotions led me to my UC. Or did it?

...

Reflecting,
Your sister in faith.

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