Dear Musa or Maryam,
I’m sorry I don’t talk to you that much.
I never thought I’d feel awkward or shy to talk to you now that you’re here.
You’re such a…unbelievably new, clean, pristine person. While I am old, dirty,
and jaded. I feel very shy to speak to you because you’re so clean and new. I
feel very…undeserving. I’m sure you can hear me talk to so many people but
yourself, please don’t be hurt. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you; I
don’t know what to say; I’m so old and dirty, I’ve been in this world too long.
Where as you, you are yet to be born. Now do I understand why people write
about unborn babies; the old against the new; the clean against the jaded. I
feel too dirty, too undeserving to talk to you. please don’t feel hurt, Musa or
Maryam. I love you anyway, and I will do my best to assure that you get the
tarbiyyah that you need in this world. I’m so sorry, baby, your mother is old
and jaded; the world has left me old and jaded, but I love you anyway, Musa or
Maryam, please forgive me.
Ummuka.
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