Re: Kids - Oh for my peace of mind! :)

http://mysmallpotatoes.com/2012/07/21/a-busy-bag-round-up/

Reflection: An argument

Surah Saba': Verse 31-33

The Unbelievers say: "We shall neither believe in this scripture nor in (any) that (came) before it." Couldst thou but see when the wrong-doers will be made to stand before their Lord, throwing back the word (of blame) on one another! Those who had been despised will say to the arrogant ones: "Had it not been for you, we should certainly have been believers!"

The arrogant ones will say to those who had been despised: "Was it we who kept you back from Guidance after it reached you? Nay, rather, it was ye who transgressed.

Those who had been despised will say to the arrogant ones: "Nay! it was a plot (of yours) by day and by night: Behold! Ye (constantly) ordered us to be ungrateful to Allah and to attribute equals to Him!" They will declare (their) repentance when they see the Penalty: We shall put yokes on the necks of the Unbelievers: It would only be a requital for their (ill) Deeds.

Reminder: Death & Patience

*1 *

To think of death is not being morose,
but being clever,
because death is not the End
but the Beginning of Forever.

*2*

Peace be upon you for you persevered in patience! Excellent indeed is the final home!
(Chapter 13, verse 24 - Surah Ar-Ra'd/The Thunder)

*3*

Everyone shall taste death. And only on the Day of Resurrection shall you be paid your wages in full. And whosoever is removed from the Fire and admitted to Paradise, he is successful.
The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing).
Chapter 3/Surah Ali-Imran, verse 185

Birth: Media and inculturation

Assalamua'laikum,
I did not grow up in a culture which originally have "childbirth classes" (well, it is a modern requirement, not existing traditionally) and the old wisdom of birth had been erased from the generation (none if any traditional midwife attended home birth exist anymore, and the mindset is to look for a doctor, not a midwife).

But by little of what childbirth education classes ARE presented in the popular media, set me on a journey to look for childbirth education classes (NOT the "hospital antenatal class"). Alhamdulillah

In today's world we rely on the media to propagate good and truth. In the hands of people who truly (not seemingly) are dedicated to truth and good. But truth and good will prevail anyway, regardless of popular tool of propagation.

I look forward to the day, childbirth no longer relies on "classes" as the medium to spread the knowledge. As it were in the old old days, it merely involves socialization. Perhaps we will never see that day again. And classes, seminars, re-education is the way of the last days (before the hereafter).

When facing opposing talk in anything

Reflection:
Haven't been watching /reading up on Mind-control related reads lately. Due to indoctrination and changes over generations, those whose minds are imprisoned (perhaps in one aspect or several) may not even feel or know they are imprisoned. They know of no other alternatives than those they have lived with. I for one, find it very hard to resist/break free from processed-food and refined carbs "prison". But am very grateful to Allah for the enlightenment. Must remember that people who still don't know, may find me weird and even, extreme or despicable. It does not make me a degree above anybody, it just makes me responsible for my own life. And for sharing without judgement but with much love.

When we bring a message to them; i.e anti-vaccination, change of lifestyle, move towards organic food away from GMO food, move towards gentle birthing, etc- they might see it as we are trying to fix something that is not broken. Or trying to fix something which is "normal".

Langkah-langkah "Bottom up" ke arah perubahan untuk Kelahiran Aman (Gentle Birthing) di Malaysia

Perhatian: Keyword kepada langkah-langkah ini ialah "BOTTOM UP". Oleh itu kritikan mengenai mendekati kementerian, kerajaan dan pihak hospital tidak berkaitan pada entry INI.

Assalamua'laikum.
Langkah-langkah "Bottom up" ke arah perubahan untuk Kelahiran Aman (Gentle Birthing) di Malaysia:

1.Pasangan yg well informed and well researched / knowledgeable about birth inshaAllah menghasilkan :

2. (hasilnya) ibu yang well supported inshaAllah menghasilkan:

3.(hasilnya) outcome kelahiran yg lebih segar, cergas, sihat. InshaAllah oleh itu:

4.(hasilnya) lebih cepat boleh discaj dari hospital oleh itu:

5.(hasilnya) kesimpulan :kurang kerja utk staf wad materniti dan kurang katil di gunakan.

Cara nak menangani polisi hospital: 

Semakin ramai pasangan ASSERTIVE untuk demand agar PIAGAM PELANGGAN di penuhi, inshaallah akan ada perubahan (supply).

Generations conditioned to view Birth from only ONE POV

Assalamua'laikum,
 
Would you like to discover a different face of Birthing?

 

There are two ways to view Birth: The Medical View of Birth and The non-medical view of Birth.

The medical point of view of birth helps us to detect early signs of complications. This is good. BUT we also need to know the pro and cons of this medicalised view and management of birth.

Which is, what tends to "naturally" entail a medically managed birth? I.e for example, what is the consequence /risks of induction/pitocin, epidural, being made to lie down supine, not being allowed to move around, not being allowed to eat and drink, etc.
 
Some will defend these procedures citing its safety and benefits and refuse to see its adverse side effects. Everything in life has its pros and cons, no matter how much research is done. So-called "Evidence-based medicine" is not spared of risks and benefits.
 
One can bring a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. Making an informed choice involves being informed of the benefits and risks but it is entirely up to the individual what they choose to believe in, and the decisions they make.
 
Funnily enough instead of saying "I chose to be induced", some people frequently say:
a)"I was induced" or
b)"They induced me" or
c)"The doctor induced me" or
d)"I had to be induced because..."
 
The statements (a) - (b) implies acceptance (redha). Redha is good. 

But what they fail to see is that it is their right and in fact their responsibility to make efforts to choose what is good for them - and yes, with advice from their doctor (medical field).
 
We have been brainwashed and conditioned over generations that there is only ONE way to birth, and ONE view of birth (medicalised). By this I do NOT imply that the medical view of birth is 100% wrong and pure evil. I am merely stating that there is other views on birth which are just as evidence-based, scientific (and signs-tific).
 
There is more than one way to understand and view birth and it is not healthy to restrict oneself to one view on anything, not just birth.
 
But one can only bring a horse to water - but one cannot make it drink.
 

Reiteration: The medical point of view of birth helps us to detect early signs of complications. This is good. BUT we need to know the pro and cons of this medicalised view and management of birth. 

The negative side-effect of generations with one view of birth is that:

1. some of us are conditioned to be anxious of all the WRONG THINGS (complications) that might happen, thus results in a less an optimal state of mind (and body) to birth with

 

2. some of us are not brought up to seek information about how our bodies function (perfectly, in fact) during birth

3. some of us are conditioned to subject ourselves to the decisions or instructions of  "the knowledgeable expert on birth" without question "because they are the experts" who know better about our body and birthing.

I actually find it weird that such blind obedience and  "holistic", absolute trust in the OB-GYNs isn't alarming to people. I'm not saying doctors and medical workers do not deserve appreciation for their service, I am saying that it is a person's responsibility to seek knowledge and make their own decisions.

But some of us are either conditioned to put absolute trust in OB-GYNs when it comes to birthing, or it is simply so that their choice and decision is to heed and comply to all 'advice' of the OB-GYN. Well, again, one can bring the horse to water, but one can never make it drink.

Solution & Technique:

1. Seek knowledge on how the birthing body works: go to childbirth preparation classes or seek out books on natural, gentle birth. Learn about what can go right during birth (Mudah Bersalin tab on this blog)

 

2. Join support groups for natural, gentle birthing such as The Gentle Birthing Group Malaysia on Facebook

3.  Make do'a (supplication) that Allah will show us the truth and make it obvious and accessible to us.

The Natural Labor Management: Endorphine. Ubat/ Dadah Penahan Gesa dari Allah: Endorfin

 Assalamua'alikum,
 
Soalan:
Semasa bersalin, badan wanita mampu untuk merembeskan 'ubat penahan sakit' 200-500 kali lebih kuat daripada morfin (untuk melegakan gesa bersalin). Oleh itu, mengapakah sesetengah ibu yang sedang bersalin  tidak berasa terkesan dengan hormon ini?

 
Jawapan:
Tindak balas fisio-kimia (minda-badan) kepada perasaan takut menyekat wanita daripada merasai kesan Endorfin. 

Ketakutan, kemarahan, kegembiraan yang melampau, kebimbangan membuat badan kita merembeskan hormon adrenalin yang berlebihan. Ini adalah hormon 'fight or flight'. Persekitaran atau apa-apa unsur persekitaran yang membuatkan kita berasa tidak disayangi, dan tidak tertutup (intim) meletakkan minda dan badan dalam mode bersedia untuk 'berlawan' atau 'melarikan diri'. Sesungguhnya ini BUKAN kondisi yang bagus ketika melahirkan kerana konndisi yang optimal ialah keseimbangam antara hormon.

Apa yang berlaku kepada badan kita ketika bersalin apabila terlebih hormon adrenalin?
1. Anak mata membesar
2. Perubahan tekanan darah
3. Sphincters (otot bulat) semakin tertutup / otot sangat keras menegang
4. Pernafasan menjadi pesat
5. Ketakutan bertambah, gesa semakin terasa, emosi negatif semakin dalam

Solusi & Teknik:
Yang terbaik adalah untuk bertenang dan mengimbangkan emosi antara cemas dan berharap (kepada Tuhan). 
  
Dalam Islam, kita sering di galakkan untuk mengimbangkan emosi secara bertenang, dan dengan beringat bahawa segala-galanya adalah dari Allah dan menurut perancangan Allah, sekalipun apa yang berlaku adalah sesuatu yang di rasakan sebagai negatif.*

Nota Penulis:
* Ibrahim a.s apabila dia telah di humban ke dalam api. Hajar apabila dia telah ditinggalkan di padang pasir tandus. Ismail & Ibrahim, apabila mereka telah diarahkan untuk mengorbankan Ismail.

*

(ENGLISH VERSION)

Assalamua'laikum,

Question:
During childbirth, if the body is able to release a pain-relieving "drug" 200-500 times stronger than morphine, how come some mothers do not feel calmed or helped by the release of this hormone?

Answer:
The physio-chemical response (mind-body) to fear stops the mother from feeling the effect of Endorphine. Fear, anger, excitement, anxiety makes our body release (more) adrenaline. This is the fight or flight hormone. An environment or any element of the environment which makes us feel unloved, not supported, and not private (nitimate, secluded) puts our mind and body in fight or flight mode. This is NOT the optimal condition for a birthing woman to be in. The optimal condition is for her to be in a balanced state of mind, thus her hormones are also secreted in balanced porpotions.

What happens to our (birthing) body in fight or flight mode?
1. Eyes dilate
2. Blood pressure changes
3. Sphincters close/ muscles tense
4. Breathing becomes rapid
5. More fear, more pain, more tension.

Solution & Technique:
The best is to stay calm and balanced. Our emotions in Islam are kept in check when we realize that everything is from Allah, everything is according to HIS plan, even what seems the worst of tragedy.*

Writer's Note:
* Ibrahim a.s when he was thrown into the fire. Hajar when she was left in the barren desert. Ismail & Ibrahim, when they were instructed to sacrifice Ismail. Wow.

Emosi separa-negatif ketika Bersalin : The effects of negative emotions during birth

Assalamua'laikum, (for the English version, scroll below)

Adakah anda takut dan gementar tentang bersalin? Mari kita bercakap tentang:


Mengapa kita begitu takut mengenai kelahiran? (cerita-cerita menakutkan, pengalaman sebelumnya, filem, dll)

Apakah kita takut?

Adakah kita takut "tekanan" yang berlaku di dalam badan?

Atau, kita takutkan semua perkara negatif yang MUNGKIN boleh berlaku?

Mengapa kita memberi tumpuan kepada semua perkara negatif yang MUNGKIN boleh berlaku ?

Sesetengah daripada kita telah di didik untuk hanya berfikir tentang perkara negatif yang boleh terjadi ketika bersalin. Pernahkah anda terfikir bagaimana pemikiran begini boleh membawa kesan sampingan yang buruk kepada badan kita (ketika bersalin)?

Sudahkah anda menggali dan mencari maklumat mengenai apa yang normal untuk terjadi ketika hamil dan bersalin? (perkara-perkara yang normal dan positif)

Malah banyak perkara yang berada dalam lingkungan 'keadaan normal' semasa mengandung dan melahirkan anak. Anda mahu belajar tentang ia? Selepas anda melakukan pencarian dan kajian, saya berharap Allah akan membantu anda untuk merasa yakin dengan pengetahuan baru ini dan membantu anda untuk mendapatkan pengalaman bersalin dengan lebih yakin, serta pengalaman bersalin yang lebih tenang, lebih sihat dan menyihatkan, dan membahagiakan. Amin.

* 

(ENGLISH VERSION)

Assalamua'laikum,

Are you fearful and nervous about giving birth? Let's talk about it:


Why are some of us so fearful about birth? (scary stories, previous experience, movies, etc)

What are we fearful of?

Are we fearful of the "pressure" going on in the body?

Or, of all the things that COULD go wrong?

Why DO we focus on what COULD go wrong?

Some of us are conditioned to only think of what can go wrong in birth. Have you ever thought of how this state of mind can bring bad side effects to the body?

Have you seeked information on what is normal to happen during pregnancy, and childbirth (what can go right)?

In fact a lot of things are in the range of 'normal occurence' during pregnancy AND childbirth. Would you like to learn about it? After you do, I hope Allah will help you to feel confident with this new knowledge and help you to have a more empowering, satisfying, healthier, happier birthing experience. Ameen.

Driving VS Birthing: Which is more natural?

Assalamua'laikum,
I don't drive on main roads. Reason being, the last time that I did, I got into a car accident and my hubby had to pay almost RM300 to fix the car. It was traumatic because the car kept turning off, I got lost in the city and we were not doing very well financially at that time, we were both students.

What is the connection between driving and birthing? One day a friend of mine commented, "You are weird because you are nervous about driving, yet you are not nervous about birthing."

I answered her, "That's because driving involves the safety of other people too."

"Birthing involves the life of the mother and baby."

"Unlike driving, which involves handling a machine, Birthing is a normal function of the body."

"I guess we see things from a different point of view"

"Yes I guess so"

*

Driving is not a natural human activity. At least not until cars were invented, and became affordable. But yes, driving has grown to become a "natural" human activity, done under 'hypnosis' state of mind.

But Birthing? Animals don't need help to birth because they've birthed safely since Allah created them. How is this much different from Humans?

BEFORE you debate with me for saying how 'medical assistance' for Birthing has saved so many maternal and infant lives, I would like to say that I DO AGREE with that (to a certain extent). Alhamdulillah for the advance and knowledge of how to remedy a complication in birthing.

There is no other way to say it, but Birth is viewed from two VASTLY different perspectives: Medical VS Natural. I do not wish to elaborate about this further here.

You can google about it, or read about it here or join The Gentle Birthing Group on Facebook and make an inquiry about this there.

Trust in the face of adversity

Assalamua'laikum.

Hubby encouraged me to fast on "Arafah Day" or 9 Zulhijjah. So we fasted together. We were heading to Kajang to my in laws and I brought along a book about hajj for me to read.

Being a children's book, it was an easy but very meaningful read. It has helped me to reflect on what are the lessons for me in the life and trials of Ibrahim, Hajar and Ismail, peace be upon them.

I have always been wondering of what is the significance and lesson in the story of Ibrahim and Ismail, and Ibrahim and Hajar.

I have always been wondering; why a sacrifice? Why kill your son? And why such a painfully heart-rending and seemingly "cruel" and heartless act of abandoning a woman (with a baby!) in the desert?

I got my answer today.

I talked about it with my hubby as we were discussing the steps of hajj. It feels good to understand the lesson behind an ibadah's technical side. Which reminds me, I would like to study along the similiar lines for solah.

Anyway. The answer was; Tsiqah (Arabic) or Taat (Malay) or complete obedience/ compliance to Allah's decree eventhough you may not like it OR understand it (why does it happen).

Obviously not an easy thing for me.not easy but not impossible. Inshaallah...

Panduan Mudah Bersalin untuk Muslimah 1: The Muslimah's Guide to Qur'anic Birthing 1

Assalamua'laikum, (For English Version please scroll down)

Tadabbur saya pada pagi Raya Haji.

Dan orang-orang yang kafir berkata: "Mengapa tidak di turunkan kepada (Muhammad) satu mukjizat dari Tuhannya? "Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): "Sesungguhnya Allah menyesatkan sesiapa yang di kehendakiNya (menurut undang-undang peraturanNya) dan memberi petunjuk ke jalan agamanya, sesiapa yang rujuk kepadaNya.

(iaitu) orang-orang beriman dan tenang tenteram hati mereka dengan zikrullah. Ketahuilah dengan zikrullah itu, tenang tenteramlah hati manusia  

Surah Ar-Ra'du (Chapter 13), ayat 27-28. 

InshaAllah dengan hati yang tenang, hati yang hidup, dan hati yang bersih, 

InshaAllah kita akan menyerahkan badan kita untuk masuk gear 'auto-pilot' yakni membiarkan ia berfungsi sepertimana ia sudah di programkan; di ciptakan.

Taubat yang ikhlas menyembuhkan, menghidupkan, membersihkan dan menenangkan / menggembirakan hati.

 Merawat hati inshaAllah bererti merawat badan secara fizikal.

 Oleh itu marilah kita menggunakan tempoh kehamilan dan bersalin untuk bertaubat dengan ikhlas kepada Allah dan semakin mendekati Allah. Semoga ia berkekalan selepas itu.

 Semoga Allah menerima "kehamilan dan kelahiran (bersalin)" sebagai ibadah dari kita, semoga Allah mendekatkan kita pada jalan kebenaran dalam usaha kita, dan semoga Allah membersihkan usaha kita dari dosa yang mengotorinya. Ameen.

 

Dengan ingatan tulus ikhlas,

Saudaramu dalam Islam

 

dari ayat 27

 

Akan Datang: Panduan 2

 *******  

My reflection this Eid-ul Adha morning: Surah Ar-Ra'du/Chapter 13: Verse 27-28

Those who disbelieve say: If only a portent were sent down upon him from his Lord! Say: Lo! Allah sendeth whom He will astray, and guideth unto Himself all who turn (unto Him), (27)  

Who have believed and whose hearts have rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest! (28)

InshaAllah when there is peace in our heart,

When our heart is pure and "alive"

so we will release our body to do what it is built/designed to do. 

Sincere Repentance also heals our hearts thus heals our body; 

Let's use this miraculous period to sincerely repent to Allah and get closer to Him and extend this efforts outside pregnancy and birth.

May childbearing, laboring and birth be our ibadah which Allah accepts from us; May Allah show us the way to the Right path in our efforts; May Allah cleanse our efforts from any sins which make it impure. Ameen, ameen, ameen.

 Warmly,

Your Sister In Islam 

Next: Guide 2

Piagam Pelanggan dan Isu Kelahiran Alami di Hospital Kerajaan

Assalamua'laikum,
Recently I posted these pictures at a forum with a seemingly provocative caption which attracted some interesting comments. My caption was:

"Mustahil utk hospital kerajaan di malaysia? TIDAK SAMA SEKALI. Anda bukan banduan dalam hospital, anda PENGGUNA. Stand for your RIGHTS!"

I was particularly attracted at some of the comments which asked me if I invited "the experts of childbirth: OB-GYNs and midwives" to the AMANI training, since they are the "decision makers" in the hospital.

My point exactly. The decision-makers are the parents, the OWNER OF THE BIRTHING BODY and her spouse, not the hospital's.

That's why they have a "Piagam Pelanggan". But I totally understand why someone would call the OB-GYNs as THE decision-makers for someone's CHOICES and DECISIONS during labor and birth.

Why? Because you're in their turf. You want their assistance, so you would have to comply to a certain amount of their policies. "Hospital policy" is the usual stuff we're up against. But AGAIN, my point exactly - the hospital is NOT a prison. As so ethically stated in their "Piagam Pelanggan" (and also in the Oath of the Muslim Physician), they are to accommodate the requests of CLIENTS. Please notice that I do not refer pregnant mothers as patients. Pregnancy is not a disease.

But even then, I still would understand why they would not accommodate their clients' requests. Because they have a medicalised view of birth, and have near to zero experience of observing and assisting a non-medicalised birth. They were taught and trained and if I may say conditioned by their school, field and even society and times to only look at birth from a 'medical' point of view.

I would like to share what inspired me to write this entry. I shall paraphrase what some moms have shared in The Gentle Birthing Group:

"I asked the doctor about being mobile during labor. The doctor was wishy washy. She mentioned that I can tell the doctor on duty and if the doctor is ok with it than I may proceed. Then she asked me if I have the strength (to be mobile during labor) and where would I like to move to in the labor room? And when i requested for the (use of a) Doppler, she said that we don't use it but I saw that it is written as available on the whiteboard. In their "Piagam Pelanggan", it was stated that we can discuss, refuse, request for treatment but in reality, I think mothers need to be assertive, be knowledgeable about your body and know what you want when the time comes."

"Respectful maternity care should be unbiasedly offered in all types of hospitals, either public or private"

My comprehension of the problem:

1. Some mothers "have no choice" but to remain ignorant about how their body works during pregnancy and birth or some may even purposefully choose to be ignorant and leave everything to the trustworthy field of medicine

2. Some mothers believe that no matter how much they read, learn and know about their body, the OB-GYN is still the absolute and faultless expert of pregnancy, labor and birth.


My take? Since some mothers like to imply that the lack of the implementation of natural and gentle birthing is actually the fault of the ministry and/or government, well....yes, there's many facets to this issue. I, for one, can't be handling all of the facets at the same time or maybe I just choose not to, according to what I feel my ability, talents and strengths are. But before I end this, let me just put into writing how one facet CAN slow and steadily change the face of birthing in Malaysia:


Pasangan yg well informed and well researched / knowledgeable about birth inshaAllah menghasilkan :
 ------>(hasilnya) ibu yang well supported inshaAllah menghasilkan:
----------->(hasilnya) outcome kelahiran yg lebih segar, cergas, sihat. InshaAllah oleh itu:
--------->(hasilnya) lebih cepat boleh discaj dari hospital oleh itu:
 ------------>(hasilnya) kesimpulan :kurang kerja utk staf wad materniti dan kurang katil di gunakan. 

Inshaallah . 

So where do we go from here?

Start here:

www.amanimalaysia.blogspot.com <------educate the masses

"Pakar Sakit Puan" dan "Bidan" di alu-alukan untuk turut serta!